In the GM Marketing offices, Theresa is the Project Manager for Synergy, and she goes for ten minutes generating statements that begin with the words "I want." She wants a this and she wants a that, she wants "classy," she wants "models" and she wants a comedian and she wants Charmaine to do these things and she wants to stand at the head of the table and she wants to talk over everybody as her list of wants and desires quickly accretes and she wants to make the DOs feel "special" and she wants Tarek to be "the point person for creative" and she wants it all, she wants to hold her team responsible for their tasks and she wants to never, ever stop talking and she wants a "greeting table" and she wants a "personalized giveaway" and she wants a "red carpet" and she wants "flowers" and she wants "a balloon arch," because she has got a real strong handle on "classy." She also wants her breasts to triple in size, and suddenly they do. She's being almost insufferable until Bill comes in, and then she shifts into Turbo Asshole Mode, yelling and being "forceful" and "firm" and repeating phrases ten times or more whenever anybody tries to talk, all, "I wanna horse and carriage, I wanna horse and carriage," and before last week, I would have said, "This is not the way you impress Bill." But considering how he's acting these days, maybe she's right. "I wanna horse and carriage, I want stallions. Stallions. I wanna horse and carriage and I want stallions." It's grotesque. You can't slap a person through the TV, did you know that?
Since Theresa is sucking all of the jerk-off out of the atmosphere, Tarek becomes fantastic, and is fantastic for the rest of the episode. She is like carbon dioxide to deciduous Tarek. He tries to do "creative" but she's leaving out all the adjectives and verbs and just shouting nouns so nobody knows what to say or what to talk about, because...what Theresa needs is a good stiff drink. I don't advocate drinking while you work, but honestly, in my expert opinion, she needs a cocktail, like, five minutes ago. Tarek tries to do his job and she keeps interrupting him, rescinding her orders from a second ago, contradicting herself, sending him on these weird missions and then acting like he's a jerk for following through on them because she's already changed track without telling him. You know, acting like a boss. Like your boss, if I'm guessing right. Tarek's freaking out and getting t-boned by Theresa all over the place, and all he wants to know is what the "theme" of the event is. Is there one? Is there a unifying concept? Tarek gets her to agree that there is not -- and he's learned his lesson in yet one more way, because that was the Sam's task in a nutshell. I think maybe I am being impressed by Tarek. She nods, "But you know what, ours is an experience of class." I would have performed a citizen's arrest on her and had her taken to the brig at that point. Lenny interviews that Theresa is retarded, and that all they have is "booze, comedian, horse with carriage," and that he wishes "her brain was bigger than her boobs." Ladies and gentlemen, meet Lenny. Asshole. But the show's kind of an asshole too, because we cut from that to her borrowing makeup, because girls are just silly and dumb. Like, we're proving him right, but not by showing her fucking up, just by demonstrating that breasts make you stupid.