Apprentice
Get It In Gear

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Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Three: Holidays Are For The Lazy

Since Theresa is sucking all of the jerk-off out of the atmosphere, Tarek becomes fantastic, and is fantastic for the rest of the episode. She is like carbon dioxide to deciduous Tarek. He tries to do "creative" but she's leaving out all the adjectives and verbs and just shouting nouns so nobody knows what to say or what to talk about, because...what Theresa needs is a good stiff drink. I don't advocate drinking while you work, but honestly, in my expert opinion, she needs a cocktail, like, five minutes ago. Tarek tries to do his job and she keeps interrupting him, rescinding her orders from a second ago, contradicting herself, sending him on these weird missions and then acting like he's a jerk for following through on them because she's already changed track without telling him. You know, acting like a boss. Like your boss, if I'm guessing right. Tarek's freaking out and getting t-boned by Theresa all over the place, and all he wants to know is what the "theme" of the event is. Is there one? Is there a unifying concept? Tarek gets her to agree that there is not -- and he's learned his lesson in yet one more way, because that was the Sam's task in a nutshell. I think maybe I am being impressed by Tarek. She nods, "But you know what, ours is an experience of class." I would have performed a citizen's arrest on her and had her taken to the brig at that point. Lenny interviews that Theresa is retarded, and that all they have is "booze, comedian, horse with carriage," and that he wishes "her brain was bigger than her boobs." Ladies and gentlemen, meet Lenny. Asshole. But the show's kind of an asshole too, because we cut from that to her borrowing makeup, because girls are just silly and dumb. Like, we're proving him right, but not by showing her fucking up, just by demonstrating that breasts make you stupid.

Andrea explains that you first need a big idea, then you think of all the tasks that contribute to the big idea, and then you carry them out. I love her because she lays it out for you in a way that is deceptively simple, yet people tend to forget once they're in the shit. "Brent will never be fired, and here's why." "Big overarching idea, chopped down to bite size, and then accomplished." Her yoga brain works nicely, although I guess the price to being so level-headed most of the time is that you occasionally shit yourself and run around screaming like that chick from Boy Meets Boy. Trade-off. Plan B, perhaps. Carolyn's hair looks like carpet. Brent starts with the massage crap again for the millionth time, because...I don't even know why he is like that. I have no idea where the non-stop massage thing comes from. I have theories, but I think they say more about me than they do about him. I wish he would be eaten by a shark. Andrea's like, this is a corporate field party, dude, and that is way too personal for the event. Again, we see Brent unable to deal with the concept of a thing. Like, he can't even read the room when the room is hypothetical. Allie goes, "We're not getting them naked." Andrea then handles him quite nicely, looking him in the eyes so he knows that she's acknowledging him, and says, "We're not doing that, okay?" She interviews, over shots of her giving him crap busywork, that her plan as PM is to make him "feel as if he was part of the team," but that "when he screwed it up," it would not affect the team. She's a contender, dude.

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Apprentice

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