Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | 616 USERS: B-
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Lesson Ten: After This Interview I'm Still Me

Duh. And what's funny is that their concept was good enough that they would have won anyway, so the creepiness with which they go about selling, and the more important creepiness with which they have to continually justify this to themselves instead of just doing it, is like a grody cherry on a wonderful dessert. As Arrow's setting up, James is already stressing because he doesn't know what Kinetic's doing. His eyes, already shifty due to his ponderous sneakiness, dart around like a shellshocked vet as he wonders what they'll be doing: something stupid? Something crazy? Or something really good? (All three, but mostly #1.) Stefani, helping him carry a sign as he says this, says the first of two hilariously tart things: "It's too late to change our minds now." As though he's going to try that shit after last week. Well, I'm sure he's still covering his ass every way he can think of, but he'll have to be subtle now that they've caught him at it. I don't know what's going on with Stefani. I wish she'd be PM again one day, but that means losing and then winning, so that's at least two weeks from now, and I despair for her staying that long because of the increasingly invisible and increasingly bitchy edit she's getting lately. If she starts praying, we're dead in the water.

Arrow set up their kiosk, and it looks great, and we finally get a look at the RoboCop suit. It's like... imagine a Teletubby? Or the Shirt-Tails, if you remember them. My favorite one was Pamie the Panda, for reasons I'll go ahead and disclose at a later time. So you're a Teletubby, but in like a military dystopia? Instead of emotions, or drug visions, you project "multimedia video" (i.e., commercials) from the screen on you. MAN I wish I had one of those, and that they did not look so ridiculous. I have a lot of things to say, you guys, and I love dressing up in things, and technology. I want to be Luke Ad-Walker. I want to walk into a store and have the people read my shirt that says, "Please do not bug me, because you remind me of this guy I knew in high school and I would kill myself before giving you a commission, but it's nothing personal." Or whatever. "Please refrain from spitting until you've exited the bus, Jethro." "That shirt is really cute on you but it's too bad how you're obviously crazy, and I hope you don't have kids." You know what, actually I do not need one of those devices, upon reflection. Turns out I'm kind of judgmental sometimes? In addition to the ads, you are also a walking credit card machine. Dude, if they sold these in Vegas. "That one thing showing right now on my chest? That's fifty extra, and I need ten minutes to warm up." Frank totally compares himself to RoboCop! I love him! Even the bored dude dressing them in the awful things is like, "Awesome." Frank interviews: "We're strong, we're confident, and we're coming for you, Kinetic!" The thing I hate most about this show is being put in the position of clearly loving Frank the most, like in a way where I can't even hide it. I will never forgive this show for that.

Apprentice

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