Apprentice
Girls On Rollerskates

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Lesson Ten: After This Interview I'm Still Me

Tim tells one of Nicole's people that it's cheaper up front, and she turns right around and lies to the guy as well, telling him the skate-girls have a better promotion. Which, there goes Nicole's high ground, not that she ever had it, but in terms of the horribleness of Nicole, is instructive and foreshadowing at the same time. Cut immediately to Nicole interviewing all about "Why come over and lie?" Um, because there's literally no difference between what he did and what you did in response? Could you possibly take responsibility for one fucking thing, like, ever? She yells nastily at Frank about how the fellow they both just lied to told her that Tim was such a jerk that he totally bought from her. Is it true? Does it matter? This is dumb. "Tell Tim thanks for my thousand dollar deal!" Was it really a thousand? Does it matter? This is dumb. But what makes it all okay is Frank running off, like fully running, toward the kiosks like a kid in a football helmet, all, "Hey, Tim!"

Next week: Frank carries notes back and forth from Tim and Nicole, and drinks his pain away nightly. Oh wait, that's every week.

Ivanka asks Angela how it is, being so close to Arrow and their cooties; Angela responds that she's "disappointed" by the other team, because they're selling things? But in this unctuous, creepy way where she's like, "I would never suggest that they are breaking some kind of rules in this game, or that they deserve to be beaten to death with baseball bats, and I'm certainly not implying that they are pederasts, so don't think that I'm asking for special treatment based on the fact that I'm an Olympic athlete with gold, silver and bronze medals, or that I'm being a big baby about this, but if, just if possibly, they were breaking the rules, that is fine, because we're not breaking the rules, and I feel good about that, but mostly it's just kind of sad that they are being like this, but I'm not trying to start trouble," like the entire Ontario Shuffle, which I really cannot handle from an American, especially a woman, especially an American woman who could benchpress my entire family; and which additionally makes Ivanka want to punch her in her giant face. "You're not even Canadian!" Boom! Heidi gets into it with James and then Frankie in that scary way she has where the same smile she's giving the customers -- "I am the prettiest thing, aren't I? Would you like to be best friends?" -- and her competitors -- "Victory is never sweeter than with your blood on my hands" -- is the same but spookily different. I've been trying to think of a way to describe this for a couple weeks, and I'm not done, but it's like one of those crappy holograms they used to put on everything in grade school. Turn it one way and it's some kind of superhero, turn it the other way: Darkseid. I don't know how she's doing it, I think the secret is in the eye area, like with Tyra Banks, but I have to keep analyzing it. It's scary as hell. I wish that Ivanka and Heidi would fall in love, because right now the suckiness of Angela is kind of breaking Ivanka's heart, and that's sad. Heidi explains with her hologram smile that what's happening to the customers is that they are getting dicked around in a cheesy maneuver that has nothing to do with them, and that isn't she pretty though. She skates away, bitching, and interviews that they have "no shame." Angela and Nicole are similarly whiny/correct; Nicole talks about smashing their "faces in the dirt."

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Apprentice

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