Apprentice
Girls On Rollerskates

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Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Ten: After This Interview I'm Still Me

Nicole: "... I don't wanna talk about it, honestly."
Jacob: "OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT. HOW OLD ARE YOU? Seriously, starting shit like that and then getting hit in the face with a brick of logic that you can't whine your way around? So you call the whole thing off? Gross me out. Gross me out to the power of one thousand."
Nicole, interviewing: "What I wanted him to do was throw a big pointless hissy fit, damaging his rep within the team and ruining his relationship with sneaky-ass James, who doesn't trust either of us as it is, in the most unprofessional manner possible, for no real reason -- just like I did. But since he didn't -- and Tim doesn't even get why this is making me act so disgustingly -- I'm very upset. If you won't get in the sandbox with me... well, I won't dump you, because I'm too needy to ever dump a guy, but I will definitely make you wish you were dead. And I know you won't dump me, thanks to the fact that you've never had a girlfriend, and we're barely dating, and that would introduce even more pointless drama to this already nightmarishly unprofessional mess we've managed to shove in everybody's faces. So the long and short of it is: that's what the screaming's about."

Tim: "Um, it happened. Get over it. Gross me out. Nothing horrible is happening, you're not dying, I'm not going to tell the team to go fuck itself, I wouldn't do that ever, and I know that she represents herself as a person that wouldn't do that, whatever her actual behavior indicates. It's one of the things we love about each other: our made-up personas that have nothing to do with reality."
James: "We have to decimate her now, don't you think? She's acting crazy. Just remember that now she's on Kinetic, we hate her. I'm like your only friend left in the entire world. Besides Frank and the people in the real world, also. Hey did you notice that Frank and Stefani and I have a whole alliance that is completely obvious, and that you created by forming an obvious team-breaker of an alliance with Nicole, that she just put on blast in five different locations on both sides of the hedge? No? Good, let's talk more about your girlfriend troubles with your fake imaginary relationship. The important stuff."

The highways of L.A. are so amazing and grody; the helicopter pilot is so funny and nerdy. They wait around without A/C for like a million years (Frank: "Are we off the ground right now?" Stefani: "NO." Ha!) and James interviews the huge lie that Trump personally designed the tour they're going on, "to show us how great life can be." Stefani asks "How awesome is this?" so many times I start to think she's actually wondering if it's enjoyable or merely another awful Apprentice reward. She points out Griffith's Observatory without mentioning either Rebel Without A Cause or Paula Abdul's "Rush, Rush" video. My two favorite things in the entire universe. Bad form, Stefani. Either of them would have been fine, both would be a home run, but just pointing at the huge observatory and going, "Observatory"? Total Frankie Suits move right there. They fly through downtown, or so it appears, and I'm so totally jealous I'm freaking out. Stefani asks "how beautiful" everything is. Stefani! Stand by your convictions! She interviews that now that Nicole's gone, they feel like a family, and a particular kind of scary family that "annihilates" people together, such as Kinetic. Finally, she hopes, Trump will remember that it's not eight tasks ago and they're not still two down out of two. Which honestly that seems to be what he thinks, in line with the whole "every day is another chance to tell Heidi she's not a star" issue. Frankie goes: "Ahhhh, the lifestyle of Mr. Trump! Definitely rich and famous." It's an "amazing feeling" and the "whole experience" is getting "better and better": first a jet, now a helicopter. What's next? I dunno, Frank. Like a lap dance? They fly past the Hollywood sign and Frankie reads it to them: "Victory!" Oh, Frank.

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Apprentice

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