Apprentice
Girls On Rollerskates

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Lesson Ten: After This Interview I'm Still Me

Angela comes mumbling up to Kristine all sneaky and dour, and of course Kristine assumes that she's bringing her back. Angela's like, "Duh, I'm totally going after Nicole. Since I can't explain or support that decision at all, because this is not Nicole's loss, and I can't defend myself in any way based on the fact that this was all my fault, I've decided to combine the two problems in the hopes of a 'two wrongs make a right' kind of thing saving my chiseled ass." Angela explains, ad infinitum, that Nicole's bad idea and her total enthusiasm and drawn-out hyping of the idea cast a mysterious spell on Kinetic or caused them to fall into some kind of hypnotic state where they could no longer tell down from up, or good from bad. "See, the fact that they won by a trillion billion dollars proves that Nicole has mind control powers. That's way too much money to be lost by simple Project Management: this is the work of a sorceress or mesmerist, right? I mean, obviously." Kristine's like, "Whatever you think will work." Angela's like, "Plus James implied that she was the weakest link, or so Trump said, and since that's not true but Trump's version of things always wins, I can totally go there." Kristine's like, "FYI, I don't care, just get Nicole out of here." Angela interviews that she knows from experience that Heidi and Kristine are good business people, but she has no way of knowing that about Nicole. Since Nicole persists in putting only her grossest foot forward, I can't really blame Angela for that. When all I know is that your big idea was rollerskates, your natural voice is a rasping whine like an alcoholic baby, and you have a giant "N" on your ass...

This part's edited all to hell, and the people who come off best are Nicole and Frank. So you see the quandary. Tim whispers through the hedge to Nicole, who is of course pretending to be asleep. Do I really have to recap this part? Finally she deigns to answer him: "Yo, you were mad last night." He's like, "Yep." He interviews some more about some unrelated "I can't believe I'm so fakely in love at such a convenient time" stuff, and he asks if she's over it yet, and she interviews a bunch of fairly salient points: 1) She's going in to the boardroom tonight, so stop bugging her, 2) She's not going to stop being angry just because it's the morning, because her anger came from deep-seated emotional insecurity and not beer, and 3) She knows damn well he's not going anywhere, so he can fuck around all he wants. Frank and James are talking about how James totally has to go after Nicole in the boardroom because Heidi's untouchable and Kristine is -- for all they know -- awesome. Stefani's like, "Totally, take Nicole out." I love this. See how reality can still be something in your life? Tim whines and mules around about it, and James is like: "Frank and Stef are right. We have to take Nicole down, because of the rollerblades." Tim's like, "Sounds cool, guys... Hey! Look over there! A pimp chalice!" or whatever Arrow thinks is classy and worth having... and then slimes on over the hedge and tells Nicole everything. That's hilarious. I don't actually mind that. I do mind the idea that anybody on Arrow, ever, thinks they're allowed to pull moral rank. Tim's of course propping himself up with how "disloyal" they're being -- and once he starts with the hedge-talking that's "disloyalty" too -- while the other three are giving each other props for not being unbusinesslike or getting personal -- which is exactly what they're doing. I love this show so, so much. Frank screams about Tim's mysterious doings ("THIS IS BS! COME ON!"), and Tim slides back into the kitchen all, "Hey guys, what's up? I totally didn't just tell Nicole your strategy. But if I did, that would be okay, because at least I'm being loyal. At my own discretion, void at any time, with no rhyme or reason." Frank, SO drunk, in bed, lights low: "You're jumping around the kitchen about a girl you met two weeks ago? This is bullshit, are you kidding me? We don't know what they're up to. You wanna blow this whole competition? For HER?"

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