Apprentice
Hero Worship

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Chronic Fa-Tiegs Syndrome

The 18 Celeb-prenti meet Trump at Lincoln Center's Avery Fisher Hall, issuing various threats and strategy talking points along the way. Most notably (albeit predictably), Victoria Gotti warns, "I can make you disappear." Noted! Trump has actually hired a mini-orchestra to play him onto the stage with the show's theme. Trump tells them all about Lincoln Center -- its $90 million genesis under John D. Rockefeller, and its recent billion-dollar renovation -- before turning his attention to the contestants. He asks what Arsenio Hall has been up to recently. Well... not much, but apparently he travels in the same circles as Ruben Studdard (yeah, 2003 name check!), who told him not to "be the first black man to lose to Clay Aiken." Clay laughs it off and says that he hopes a Celebrity Apprentice victory can erase his reputation as a runner-up.

Next up, Teresa Giudice has big shoes to fill since NeNe Leakes competed last season. And I mean that literally: Nene wears a size 10-11! Speaking of curvy ladies, Trump is rarin' to roast Lisa after she took pot shots him on his Roast. Fellow comedian Adam Carolla jokes he's playing for the charity White Kids Without iPads (actually, it's Catholic Big Brothers). Trump moves to Victoria, and asks who she's planning to go to war with. Victoria remains mum in front of her fellow Apprenti but admits in an interview that high-maintenance Debbie Gibson and fellow Italiana Lisa should watch it. Lisa says she's got eyes on George Takei: "I'm gunnin' for you bitch." George responds, "My loins are girded." Arsenio: "I don't even know what that meant, but it's very scary!"

Okay, enough introductions. Trump tells the Apprenti that, as per usual, the first round of challenges will be men versus women. They have to go back to the apartment, pick their Project Managers and team names, then meet him back in the boardroom to learn this week's challenge. Credits.

Men's apartment. Lou immediately suggests they get down to the business of naming their team. Adam's "brilliant" suggestions: Team Back Hair, the Trumpeteers, and the Honey Badgers. Clay is not impressed, but Penn likes that honey badgers are "the only animals that will kill for sport." As Adam proposes they call themselves the Urinal Cakes, Clay says, "Mr. Trump does not suffer childishness, and we have a lot of frat boys on our team." There are years of therapy behind that loaded description. George wants to get the word "Galactic" in the team name. Penn riffs, asking, "How about Enterprise?" I think it's actually kind of perfect and clever, but George deems it too obvious. Adam snarks, "I had neighbors who were Trekkies... they were alcoholics." Somehow, the guys settle on the name Unanimous, which pretty much lives up to the sky-high standard of awful Apprentice team names (hello, Hydra and KoTU!). Dee admits that the name is "the last chick in the bar at the end of the night."

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Apprentice

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