Apprentice
Hollywood Walk Of Shame

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Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Three: Finite & Infinite Games

Vocabulary: A Measure of Success

Any task can be broken down into milestones and opportunities for metrics. These demonstrable timeline and success measurements justify your employment and project involvement, on the management level, but more importantly, they justify your manager's job to those above him or her. Find a way to express your ongoing success in a way that's easily measurable, fits into a standard Excel graph (without necessitating pivot tables, which always scare the bejesus out of people), and can be quickly massaged into factual tumescence no more than five minutes before a client conference. Choose the way you measure your success very carefully. If this decision is taken out of your hands, make sure you keep one eye on the defined timelines and measures of success at all times, because everybody's job depends on looking good, and not much else.

Fun Fact: This is why America's public schools are so radically out of step with the educational standards of most industrialized countries across the globe!

Into the boardroom, where Donald Trump asks the teamlets one hundred times in a row who they thought won. It's weird and I think badly edited, because he seriously asks like six times. Stefani is sure that Team Aaron won, and Michelle thinks that, "if our group had heart," they won. Which of course makes no sense. She explains that there were logistics issues at the top of the game -- the mic -- but that her team stepped up impressively to counteract this setback. Which I guess is the best spin you can put on things at this point, although it sounds fake the second she says it: "I was so impressed." And I will say this: disingenuous sabotage aside, if that was Tim legitimately fucking up, then I'm impressed at his contribution as well. I think he's really likeable either way, but I was really surprised to see the ways he was willing to be motivated to work on the task itself. Considering the fact that they made utter hash of it, that hustle didn't really go anywhere, but if he was being genuine, that's really cool and fair of him. Or else he's an actual sociopath. Either one is fine, frankly. Especially in this game.

Tim describes Michelle as a PM: "It wasn't always smooth, but we tried." Trump asks if she was great, or just okay, and notes that he's not showing a hell of a lot of enthusiasm. "She had her moments," Tim says, striking a very smart balance. The fact is, she was a shitty PM. But just like last week, I don't personally think it's enough to say that and drop the whole episode, because the easiest answer is also the most boring and covers up the most flaws in everybody else: yeah, Carey's suit sucked and he was a bad teammate, but that doesn't mean everybody else was awesome. Person A is not responsible for the behavior of Person B: Person A is responsible for the behavior of Person A. "Person B sucks" isn't a reason, it's an excuse: can you say at the end of the day that you tried your hardest? Nicole's sucking is independent of Michelle's sucking, and of Frank's sucking, and the suckiest thing of all is how Nicole's sucking is so obviously not independent of Tim's sucking, but that doesn't say anything about Tim. Just Nicole, you know what I mean? Michelle sucking doesn't make Nicole suck less, it just means they both suck. Totally different concept, and I'm seeing the former substituted for actual thought a lot more this year, in general. Not really with the show, but just in life. There's another show I write about that basically, that's the entire point this season: "she hit me first" isn't a valid reason to act like an asshole, because you still have to retain your dignity. Other people's bullshit is not your carte blanche, and if you start thinking it is, you're going to end up an asshole.

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Apprentice

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