True or False?
1. Kiefer Sutherland lived out of his car for a short time after moving to L.A.
2. Julia Roberts does not have a star on the Walk of Fame, but does own Mann's Chinese Theatre. She stages Revolutionary War reenactments there with friends on weekends, and is partial to her grandfather's flintlock musket, nicknamed "Old Barty."
3. Telly Savalas is Jennifer Aniston's godfather.
4. Fashion designer Betsey Johnson is a proud member of the Church of Satan, established by Anton LaVey in 1969, the "Year of the Wildebeest."
5. Debra Messing is allergic to both flowers and lamb.
6. Tommy Lee, Jared Leto, Yoko Ono, and a mysterious masked bassist believed to be John Lithgow perform in the Viper Room's basement on Tuesday nights for a select audience under the name "Semi-Homemade with Sandy Duncan."
Answer Key: Odd-numbered statements are true. Now you can lead a Hollywood tour as well as any other untrained, socially retarded millionaire! But not as well as Stefani!
Santa Monica Beach, boardwalk footage, whatever. The two teams discuss this and that about the different kinds of tours there are. James mentions to Team Aaron that they could totally rent some Laker Girls and put them on the bus, because God forbid this show have a single task where female ass isn't one of the props, and he interviews that a Hollywood tourist wants more than anything to be part of something "special," something "big," something "sexy." And what embodies these concepts more than Fly Girls? He calls the Lakers and rents some of them (FYI: two girls minimum per appearance, $85/hour/"girl"), and Stefani interviews that James is a "ball of energy" not unlike a person who has had twelve cups of coffee. "You slingshot him across the street and let him go," she laughs. As they get out of the van, fully brainstormed and unrelated Laker Girls confirmed, James yells that they are "such a smart freaking team" that it drives him "nuts." Not only does his voice sound like Rachael Ray, but he talks the same weird nonsense.
Stock footage of the House of Blues and bassoons of disappointing performance attend Team Michelle, who are having their usual trouble having a simple goddamn conversation. And yeah, a lot of that is Michelle's inability to make sense, but being totally obstructive, which Nicole (again) is, isn't helping. Michelle floats the concept of a "day in the Life of the Rich and Famous": showing landmarks and places they supposedly hang out. I'm not going to pretend to be some kind of L.A. insider or to know anything, so whatever. I assume that the Rich and Famous eat at restaurants and I don't really care which ones those are. Frank likes the idea, because the Life of the Rich and Famous is the secret codename of everything that makes him who he is. That's all you had to say. They ask Nicole about it; she has no opinion. Some more. Michelle explains that her ass, and the line on which it is, is not having this: she can't go with a theme that the team isn't behind 100%. She interviews that she needs consensus this time, because the team is so sneaky and gutless, and "team-manship, in consensus," and it's kind of like the word-pictures that Paula Abdul talks in, sometimes, with Michelle. Frank, understanding where she's coming from because Tim/Nicole is really just one entity with nasty thoughts and a poison heart, speaks up that he is 100% behind it. Tim also likes the idea. Michelle shows her whole hand now, though: "If this ever came up, you would have to say you stand behind the theme?" Show some class. We all know the elephant in the room; the key is to not mention it by name. Never say, "This is how I will fuck you up, right?" Frank interviews that the team-manship concept is weak at best because she's spending so much time asking permission to be PM. "Make a decision and stand behind it, I will respect you more." Word. Although I wonder how much of her talk he discounts out of hand because he's got himself in the mindset that the 10% of her speech that he actually understands is -- coincidentally enough -- the only part of it that matters. This is a really dangerous way to live, and we all do it, but I think that's what is going to get him in the long run. Nicole allows as how, "if you do it correctly," she will love the theme. Meaning that if they fuck it up, she will suddenly hate the theme. I think Michelle is maybe dumber than Frank. That's so sad.