Previously on Riding In Cars With Knuckleheads: Bren, Alex, and Chris were sure they couldn't lose when they were assigned to promote a "sexy" car opposite Craig, Kendra, and Tana. Because nothing says "sexy" like greasy lawyers and freakishly underage millionaires with anger management issues. Hott! Craig and Tana walked off the job in the middle of the night, leaving Kendra to her own devices, which turned out to be pretty advanced, with GPS and all kinds of flashing lights and tricked-out doohickeys. Meanwhile, Alex fumbled the studio photography, Bren wrote the most uninteresting copy since The Nuts And Bolts Of Bolts and Nuts, and Chris thought "blurry" was short for "stupendous." Magna took home the victory following a shocking refusal on the part of Pontiac to recognize the brilliance and forward-looking nature of The Horizontally Oriented Rectangle as an artistic statement, and Net Worth went back to the Boardroom -- again. There, everyone seemed to be at risk, but it was Chris, our seven-time loser, who finally took a walk. But not, of course, before he wept tears of sorrow at the loss of the opportunity to work for Trump. Chris: spitter, shouter, screw-up, future criminal defendant. Stopped exactly one week short of where Troy wound up, which seems wrong. On the other hand? Lasted one week longer than Heidi. Ha.
This week's New York porn opens with a close-up of the flashing red hand on a "Don't Walk" signal, and...you know, it's like they're telling you not to watch the show. Oh, but then it turns to "Walk," so I guess they're just telling you to look out for the strutting white guy all telling your ass what to do. And I think we all know who that is. We listen to the rhythm of the falling rain and observe the proliferation of taxis to which it leads, and then we make our way into Trump Tower and up to the Love Palace for the Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch. And it doesn't get much more weaselly than Alex, Chris, and Bren. Tana asks Kendra who she thinks will go, and Kendra names Chris. Craig, by the way, is lying face-down on the ottoman at the moment, so I guess he didn't get enough sleep, despite his giant flake-out. Tana and Craig both predict that the non-returning Aspiring Corporate Weasel will instead be Bren. Tana interviews that indeed, she expects to see Bren go home. "He's a funny guy," she says, "but I've seen him on tasks and he's a big zero." That's the kind of comment I just don't understand. If you like somebody and think he's a good guy, there's no need to look into a camera and say he's "a big zero." She just seems to be getting meaner and meaner as she becomes cockier and cockier. I liked her better when she seemed a little surprised at her own success. To tell you the truth, I don't think I'd buy a lipstick from her now. Mean!
The door to the L-Pal opens, and Bren and Alex return. Hugs are exchanged. Alex interviews, however, that returning to the L-Pal without his little buddy just "wasn't the same." Yeah. No spitting, no paranoid fantasies...it was like there was a hole in his little baboon heart. Tana asks the guys how Chris took his firing, and they report that he "got real emotional." Alex refers to Chris's demeanor as "teared up." Tana says, "He was choked up, but he walked out all right?" And Alex says, "Yeah." Which is awesome, because Tana was exactly asking whether Chris managed to exit without making a big slobbering scene like a leopard just ate his pet hamster, and he totally didn't. But it's not like Alex can say that, I guess. Especially since he and Chris were such close buds, once they got over the threats of physical violence. Alex and Bren compare notes and determine that they both thought they were going next. Bren then interviews that he believes that he's now "lower than whale crap at the bottom of the ocean" to Trump. Bren gives Tana the lowdown on the beating he took for writing such bad marketing copy. "I just bit my tongue," he happily reports to her. "I wasn't a smart-ass in any way." And then Bren tells us in an interview that he's actually done a lot of tongue-biting during this experience, and is "tired of the blood in [his] mouth." Then he adds, "Then again, maybe the blood in my mouth is just making me thirsty for more." You know, a guy with that particular look really doesn't need to go down the road of talking like a serial killer. You always have to look out for the stumpy ones who don't shampoo.