Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 668 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Four: Strap It Back

Josh gives them Excel this weird presentation about this little boy who looks into a cup, and then Ginny the Nightmare Genie comes floating out. Adam is really damn excited about the jingle they're going to be writing, and then there's lots of embarrassing singing from Brian and Josh, and if you've ever read a recap by Jacob before, you know that's my total Kryptonite. I hate, hate, hate watching people sing. Like normal people, like people like these. People in suits. It's like getting my eyeballs propped open and being forced to watch Kids, As Good As It Gets, the end of Blair Witch, American History X, Requiem For A Dream, Se7en, Deliverance, Saw, those four scenes in The Silence Of The Lambs, Happiness, the tongue part of Midnight Express, Irréversible, and Misery, all at once, just those parts on a loop, for ten whole horrible years. Whilst eating a beet-and-Vegemite stew. It makes me incredibly anxious. But most especially when Adam starts singing, because...man. He sings this incredibly long, detailed, excited jingle, and it's pretty much exactly like that guy in The Fisher King, and after naming every movie I can think of, apparently, I dissolve into a puddle of embarrassment on the floor.

Almost as troubling is what happens next. Heading back to the home conference room, Felisha's acting all tough, all, "She's gonna do it, because I'm the PM and her boss." Alla goes, "I don't think she will," and it's hilarious. Felisha interviews that "Toral is going to be in the costume, end of story, that's how it's going to be," and it's very cute and misguided. Kristi's like, "Toral! Step up!" and Toral starts talking about how there are clearly other people that want to do it, and blah blah blah and Kristi shrieks, "THEY ARE MORE VITAL IN THE PRESENTATION THAN YOU!" Felisha tries to explain that it's not that anyone would rather do it, because they all hate her equally, it's more that "they're hearing your response, and trying to step up to the plate." Confetti comes raining down and a huge buzzer goes off because someone just said "step up" for the hundred thousand kajillion-millionth time. Toral just feels "really uncomfortable" about it and Kristi yells, "Fine!" and mumbles something. Rebecca looks horrified, and Felisha tells Kristi, "Stop." It's pretty cool.

Apprentice

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