Apprentice
Ice Cream Of Genie

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Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Four: Strap It Back

See: "I don't know why they want me to do it. Imagine if Mr. Trump asked Carolyn to wear that sort of mascot costume, you know? I'm sure she would tell him to take a hike!" No, they wouldn't, but I'd like to take a moment to introduce you to a little friend of mine called the Categorical Imperative. It's something you can use every day in your stupid little life, kind of like a check and balance against your natural inclination to be a steaming butthole. It's a little gift from our friend Kant, and it goes like this: "Act so that the maxim may be capable of becoming a universal law for all rational beings." It means that you should only do stuff to people that it would be okay for them to do to you. It's also called the Golden Rule, albeit with a bit more scaffolding, and it's a moral imperative that some people just find comes naturally: abolitionists, pacifists, feminists, humanists. People I like. People I don't like? People like you, who are too good to wear a costume because it's demeaning, but more than willing to let anybody else do it, because they're naturally inferior? Are sickening, and you and I are...better than them. It's somewhat okay to be lazy and skive off, I guess, just don't base your case on the Divine Right of Assholes. You know?

Kristi continues to shriek! "Why would she be still allowed to participate in this, and get credit? We're better off without her! She's BENCHED!" And a thousand people heard this wrong, the first or second time they saw it, and I've watched it like a million times, and she never called her a bitch. And even though that would be terrible and unprofessional, I'm kind of sad about it. Toral's like, "Kristi, just calm down for a second," again, like she's the rational one here, out of the two of them, and Kristi gets in there with the Shame Finger again: "No, no! Just step up to the plate, Toral!" It feels good. Toral's all, "I just can't do it." Hey, remember gym class? Remember when you were in gym class with Toral? Remember how she could make the gym teacher turn purple? Remember? ["Remember how you had no respect for the gym teacher after that? See above. If you're going to bench her, bench her, but don't be a bunch of seventh-grade girls about it, please." -- Sars]

Rebecca interviews that she was "uncomfortable with the way that the team just raked Toral over the coals," and feels like the team has "already made up their minds, and they don't want her here." Insightful, Crutches McObvious. Back to the conference room, where Jennifer is like, "Rebecca. Don't feel bad for her. Please." It's awesome how she says this, like, "Please don't get all upset about this. He was a really old dog, and he had a good life." Rebecca's shaky, but assents.

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Apprentice

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