Apprentice
Ice Cream Of Genie

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Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Four: Strap It Back

Mark and Clay are very nervous about the presentation as they return to their team. The boys clamber all over each other like a box of puppies, all about the jingle and the concept and the story and Randal's like, "The genie is lying on the carpet and the ingredients fall into the Blizzard," and there are high-fives everywhere and Adam almost bursts into song again and Clay...just starts bitching. I tried to figure it out for like an hour, but I still don't know what he's bitching about. Just randomly complaining and fitting nonsense words together. Randal interviews about how Clay just wants to "scrap everything" and how dumb that is, and it's the most perturbed I've ever seen him. Markus, because he also speaks crazy, tries to answer Clay's complaints, and that makes no sense either, and then Clay hisses, "Stop! Stop! Two seconds! And I don't want you to speak until I tell you to speak, okay?" Aw, snap. He did not just say that. You know who else said that? Jeff on Martha. You know who I'll beat up if I ever run into him? Jeff on Martha. You can talk a lot of shit and tell me to do a lot of things, but you will not tell me what I can say, or when I can speak. Not when you're the one babbling. Find a better way. Be a fucking manager.

Josh interviews that Clay's being a "tyrant," and that he hopes "Clay's creativity makes up for the fact that he's got his bitch coat off." "There's absolutely zero question in my mind who's responsible," he says, "if we lose this task." And for once he's not bluffing, because he will end up giving Clay his propers by the end of it. Clay addresses the room at large with the entirely worthless "I want to put the fear of losing this into everybody in this room, because I want to win this thing." Adam looks terrified. Randal looks irritated. I'm bored, because again: you're going to henpeck and frighten these grown men into doing a great job? Which they're already doing? While meanwhile you've created something that looks like the unholy child of the Carver from Nip/Tuck and an organ-grinder's monkey with huge tits?

James and Brian accompany Clay and Mark back to Izquierdo, which Mark pronounces correctly, and Mark gets into a bodysuit. It's totally freaky, and will freak you out, but of course they're dudes so they act ten times weirder than that. Brian laughs hysterically, like he's caught in a hysteria, the entire time. James watches, smirking in a frightened manner, as Clay asks the Izquierdess if she can duct-tape Mark. It takes a second for her to figure out what he means, and just in case you also don't get it, we get a tight shot on Mark's junk for about ten minutes. It's...well, it's a body suit. It's not intended to flatter, and that's all I can say. Mark tells us, in case we still didn't get it, how he's not too keen on getting "a certain part taped up." Then they all go outside and pull the wings off flies and make bees fight, because apparently there's actually no such thing as men, just boys in suits.

Felisha and Toral have a pretty cute moment about how we're all feeling "positive!" and how that means we have to "smile!" and it's fun. Kristi bitches to us that she wasn't a part of the presentation -- which is too bad, she's better than a lot of them at that stuff -- because "Toral wouldn't put her butt into the costume, and I finally said [I would] do it. So: I have no respect for Toral, I don't want to talk to Toral, I don't even want to look at Toral. Toral is a friggin' GOOBER." Back in the conference room, everybody laughs as Kristi dances around. Except for Toral, who is in fact an uber-goober. "That suit was an absolute embarrassment, and Kristi just looked like a fool today." She giggles about what a fool Kristi is, and then makes a bigger ass of herself than I've ever seen someone do that wasn't holding political office. With a straight face, she goes, "Again my judgment was 100% on-target." WHO FUCKING SAYS THAT? "Yet again, my infallibility…" Effing Craig Kilborn thinks you're a punk!

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Apprentice

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