Ice Cream Of Genie

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Four: Strap It Back

Jennifer's back on the Metabolife, we see. Entering the DQ exec's conference room, she immediately starts with that freaky intense sales stuff I admire so much in others. "Who is Zip? Zip is a brand new character, a new creation! Zip is fun, energetic, and full of energy! [Like ME! AAAIEEEE! YEAH!] …We see Zip's huge eyes, cute inquisitive little eyebrows, and a big, big smile! The kids are going to love this! He has all the ingredients for the perfect Blizzard! When someone needs cheering up" -- this is the beauty part -- "Zip takes off in his rocket shoes and zip, ZIP, ZIPS! to the rescue!" Like a monkey on crack, this one. Although this particular monkey has luxurious long blonde hair as well.

Rebecca interviews humorously about how, "when Jennifer showed the executives that Zip goes zip ZIP ZIP! I thought, my gosh this is ridiculous." And yeah, it is, and yeah, the weird playacting of Capital Edge's presentations is always kind of queer and off-kilter, but, like, welcome to advertising, ladies. But the whole thing with sales is that there are people, and I am sadly not one of them, who were born without the little-known embarrassment button, which is located in the hypothalamus. And I'm thankful for them, because they make business happen.

A DQ exec points out that one of the prime marketing targets here is teenagers, and Jennifer babbles, "We shouldn't leave the teens out. I know that Zip will appeal to them." Because, get this, teenagers love gadgets. In fact, adults love gadgets. You know who loves gadgets most of all? Jennifer M. And I love her for it, and I wonder what it's like for the kids she works with in Junior Achievement, because I imagine they have just shitloads of fun all the damn time. And that they think she's mental.

The execs ask how they're supposed to know how Zip is in any way associated with Dairy Queen or Blizzard, and everyone stands perfectly still. Finally, Marshawn has to say, "I can take this one, if that's okay." She points out the swirling shape of the Blizzard, and notes the barely-visible "Dairy Queen" on the spoon, "So we've incorporated trademark components of the Blizzard brand." Good cover, but obviously a cover. While she's saying this nonsense, Felisha (whose fault it is), Jennifer (who is on the downward slide of whatever she just took), and Toral (who is an assclown of the highest order) all nod and smile like scared idiots. The end.

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