Apprentice
Intellectual Horsepower (1)

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Kelly and Jen, sitting in a tree
Thanks and props to this guy.

Previously on Skirting the Issue: Jen and Sandy returned from the Boardroom without Li'l Andy, and debate geeks across the country were like, "Daaaaamn, man, that was totally not P.I.M.P." Jen and Sandy were stuck working together, and agreed that they could never again give Trump the satisfaction of seeing them cat-fighting. Girl power! Charged with selling M&M candy bars, Ivana thought it would be a good idea to just kind of schlep around in ratty clothes and baseball hats, while Jen and Sandy thought that Lust might make a better deadly sin on which to capitalize than Sloth, marketing-wise. When she discovered that Jen and Sandy were making big bucks to strut their stuff, Ivana figured that if a little leg is good, an entire ass must better, so she tried for the two-thousand-percent markup over Sixteen Candles prices for underwear snoopage, which didn't seem like the most savory way to sell a handheld snack, but, okay. When Trump found out, he was like, "I don't hire strippers. I marry them," and he sent Ivana packing. Finally. So the final four are Jen, Kelly, Sandy, and Kevin. It's time to dump two of them and get down to the two who are most qualified, which is kind of like narrowing a list of giraffes to the really shrimpy ones.

Credits. And they're the only ones in Trump's ledger book these days, I would venture to say.

Up in the suite, it's the ACWDW, only there's not much W-ing (watching, that is; there's always plenty of weaseling), because Jen and Sandy are more worried about dinner. Sandy is offering to make chicken parm, which is a great dish for concealing poison. Unfortunately, this does not mean that Sandy knows how to make this particular dish, because she needs Jen to dig up a recipe online. Dude. You either have spaghetti sauce and slices of cheese or you don't. Dredge the chicken in something and you're about halfway done. You'd think somebody would have a sense of adventure, the way I did when I recently invented It's A Good Thing It Tastes Extra-Good Because It's More Beige Than I Prefer Soup To Be Soup. It's packed with fiber and will make you realize that looks really aren't important. Well, with regard to soup. Anyway, as Sandy pounds the chicken breasts on a naked wooden board, the better to foment any bacterial growth by lodging it in the wood grain forever, she explains that Ivana has two losses as PM, so she's "more vulnerable to be fired." She does not add, "And there was the thing with her ass," the way I would.

Fast forward a little while to Sandy's cutlets being almost done, at which point she looks up to see Kelly and Kevin return from the Boardroom. "You all right?" Jen says to Kevin, pretending to care. "I'm sure it was tough." Sandy interviews that the final four is the time to "start sprinting." Well, of course. They don't call the show The Casual Ambler, now, do they? As Jen does something or other on the computer -- maybe she's looking up a recipe for ice cream sundaes for dessert -- Kelly and Sandy have a conversation about ten feet away from her that they somehow seem to think she's not going to hear. Sandy is, among other things, bitching about Jen's reticence to be PM on the last task. "Jen constantly shirks responsibility," Kelly quite rightly observes in an interview, managing to come off like a complete prick, even while being substantively correct. As Sandy says to Kelly that if Jen had wanted to be PM, it would have happened, Jen pipes up with, "Sandy, that's not true." Jen goes on to protest that she did not either step back from being PM. But the point is, I think, that ultimately, Jen wound up not the PM...again. I, frankly, think the entire PM debate is a little beside the point, because it's not so much whether you're the PM in name as it is whether you freaking do anything. Last year's heavy hitters -- Bill, Troy, and Amy, especially -- would come up with something to add to their team's performance on a task, whether they were PM or not. Jen's problem isn't how many times she's PM as much as it is that when she isn't PM, she takes absolutely zero interest in winning the task, and especially in coming up with anything that might help the team win. She's a shirker because she doesn't seem to take losing personally, and if I were Trump, I would want somebody who took losing personally, and took it hard, you know?

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