Apprentice
Intellectual Horsepower (1)

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Kelly and Jen, sitting in a tree

Back up in the Boardroom, Dawn is asked about Jennifer, and calls her "bright and focused." But -- surprise, surprise -- Dawn's BS detectors are going off, because she saw Jen "saying all the right things," but having a hard time expressing anything particularly compelling in her own words. Jope adds that he thinks Jennifer might be all academic brain and no hard work. Asked about Sandy, Kraft says he really dug her entrepreneurial side. Alan thinks Sandy is very likable, but short on "pure business experience." Dawn isn't sure Sandy has thought enough about what a corporate job would be like. Except, probably, to think about how Trump's desk would look with three tiers and a little plastic executive on top of it. Trump thanks all of the Horsemen and sends them off. When they're gone, Robin sends in the candidates.

In the Boardroom, Trump leads off with some flattery, saying that the Horsemen were really impressed with all of them. He then goes directly to the "I can only have one boy" elimination round, asking Kelly why he should be kept over Kevin. Kelly cites his business experience and leadership training, as well as the fact that he's "more creative" than Kevin. Kevin defends himself by saying that Kelly is a big fat blowhard, which he gently phrases in terms of Kelly being less receptive as a listener than Kevin is. But we can all read between the lines, can't we? Basically, Kevin argues that he is actually capable of listening to other human beings, and Kelly isn't. But Trump, remarkably, looks at the most educated person he has ever met and accuses Kevin of not having "done anything." Kevin tries to defend himself as having made the choice already to leave school and come and do this, but you can kind of see Kevin circling the drain at this point. And indeed, after a couple more comments about how the Horsemen feared that Kevin didn't have "direction," Trump tosses Kevin over, but doesn't let him leave without assurances that he will be a great big success someday. I'm sure that really cushions the blow, asshole. As he gets into the cab, Kevin insists that he does consider himself one of the two strongest, but apparently, Trump didn't agree. So now, he'll have to go back to working hard. Bummer.

Trump now tells Jen and Sandy that basically, Kelly is already in, so it's one of them that's not going to make it. Jen jumps right in, claiming that if Trump is looking for a person to work for him, she has "the intellectual horsepower to do this job." Kelly makes a face like, "Bitch, what did you just say?" Jen brags a little more about her great experience, so when Sandy is asked for her opinion, she says, "Jennifer knows how to be a lawyer, and that's pretty much it, and --" Jen cuts Sandy off in the middle of her sentence and says, "Okay, Mr. Trump?" But Sandy keeps talking, saying that being an entrepreneur and having a business is something you learn from experience, not just from a book. "How would you know, Sandy?" Jen nearly spits. "You dropped out of school, how would you know?" "Because you've never run your own company," Sandy says simply. "Have you ever taken a risk?" Jen makes, I'm sorry, one of the shittiest arguments I've ever heard when she claims that "going to Princeton and going to Harvard and competing with the finest in the country" is a risk. Okay, is she serious? Going into the Ivy League is a risky decision now? And the reason is that the people you're in school with are so smart? Good grief, if you're so threatened by other smart people that you consider it risky just to be in the same environment they're in -- a risk on par with owning a business that could fail as a result of forces largely outside your control -- then that says a great deal about you right there. I'm sorry, Princeton and Harvard are great schools and they say a lot about your academic abilities, but that is not a risk. ["I could go on at some length here, but I'll confine myself to remarking that it's people like Jen who make people like myself pretend we went to Rutgers." -- Sars] And then, even worse, Jen claims that "moving across the country" is a risk, even when you do it in order to take a gazillion-dollar law firm job. Wow, I am a lot riskier than I thought. I've moved a couple of times already! And sometimes, I haven't even had a job yet! I'm lucky to be alive.

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