Into The Stretch (3)

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
The court of public Trumpinion

Trump asks Kendra how she responds to that compliment, and Kendra says that she's "very flattered." Trump shows his usual grace in telling her it's such a softball that she shouldn't even try to answer, and they'll just take a commercial. Seriously. I'm winded, aren't you? We've had four whole minutes of content!

When we return, we peek in on "Tana's Hometown Party" in Altoona, Iowa, where all the ladies are putting powder on each other. Well, I assume they've just finished doing that. And Tana will be around to collect, believe me. Tana waves as if she cares, but secretly, she thinks Iowa is made up entirely of stooges. And then we are back to Trump, who nods gravely for some reason, apparently at random. Oh, here's why -- he's talking about how seriously he takes this hiring process, hee hee. And then he points out that he's already hired two people who have been awesome -- Boyfriend Bill and non-Boyfriend Kelly. Everyone claps politely, because they're splitting the difference between the Boyfriend Bill level of awesome and the Kelly level of not really caring, in a sort of detached, military way. Trump tells someone to "roll the tape," and then we are watching a bunch of total bullshit about how these two guys are totally setting the world on fire. They're practically running the Trump empire, you know. We watch Boyfriend Bill say -- and, tragically, this is no lie -- "Another day, another dollar." I think Boyfriend Bill is his own grandpa, in a certain sense. There is pimping of the Chicago process, and an attempt to make Bill's big-boy job sound really awesome. There's Boyfriend Bill, sitting in a meeting! Important! I will bet you a hundred dollars that Boyfriend Bill carries around several sharpened pencils.

Kelly, meanwhile, has been spending part of his time selling Trump Ice, which is…seriously the saddest thing I ever heard. When they finally hire someone to sell Trump bobbleheads, the circle will be complete. Kelly turns out to be an even worse actor than Boyfriend Bill, as he tries to look tough in a meeting with a guy who could probably tear him in half like a pixie stick, in spite of being ten years older than Kelly and a Democrat.

And then, we are back, live! Sigh. Trump asks Kelly for his opinion of how the Army experience has been helpful in business, and didn't we all just totally tune in to see this? I care! I do! I care! Okay, I don't. Kelly blathers some hoo-hah about teamwork and passion and the inspiration provided by green undies and whatnot, and I could not be more bored. "Excuse me," Trump says, "do you love working for Trump?" "I love it," Kelly insists. Trump isn't satisfied. "You love it?" he asks again. "Absolutely, absolutely," Kelly says. "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" Trump demands to know. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But not much. What he does say is, "Say it like a West Point cadet. Come on." You know, I may make a note of that line. I might find occasion to use it. "Say it like a West Point cadet." Seriously. Purr it to yourself. See? Promising! Anyway. Kelly: "Hoo-ah." He is a giant ball of personality, that one. The upside is that he makes Boyfriend Bill look like a real lampshade-on-the-head kind of guy.

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