At the Knitting Factory, Charmaine is assuring Lee he's going to love the song. Can we take a minute to meditate on the All-Chicken Chicken Songs making their debut at the Knitting Factory? Can't you just taste the cred? I would caution CBGB's to take note: This is how you stay in the black. Just bend right over for Arby's. Leslie interviews that Lee was gone for Yom Kippur, but he's an asset, but she hates him for not being there, but she and the group love his principles, but they're really inconvenient, but they were happy to see him, when he finally showed up, because being Jewish is not only making demands on Lee, but also on the white girls, and that is crappy, but she has a lot of respect for his religion, but she wishes he were there, because he is an asset. She does a good job of getting all those in there pretty simply and nicely -- not like Bryce eight days ago with Rosh Hashanah. (And think about that little fact for a sec: it's been four tasks since Rosh Hashanah, but only eight days, which means the cycle on this shit is even crazier than I -- at least -- thought, which means I'm going to give them even more latitude for their craziness and emotional volatility, unless I don't like them anyway, and then I'm going to ignore it and talk shit about them and their families, including pets.)

Sean smarms it up and makes them all put their hands in and do cult-like things because that's all he's fucking good for, and he yells at us with strange emphasis on certain syllables about how they are "being judged solely on the quality of this 30-second jingle!" Onstage in some stupid ugly jeans, he smarms into the mic and promises the crowd that the "most important thing" is for the crowd to "have fun." Because what is more fun than watching a band setting up for twenty minutes so you can hear two 30-second jingles about chicken sandwiches, followed by six hours of slam poetry? They play the song, which is catchy and sounds like "Wild Night" with the Cougar and the n'DroganelshecisritualofCHUDOcello woman, only on a five-bar loop and about all-natural chicken, but live music is always super-fun, so Tammy raises the roof and the all-natural crowd rocks out to the chicken song and Doug and Debbie smile and Trump does a thing. It's a dancing kind of thing? But like, if I asked you to draw a cow and you'd never seen a cow before and had to rely on verbal narratives about cowness, you'd end up with something like the Stay-Puft guy crossed with Billy Zane crossed with a Buick LeSabre and a lamppost, and Trump is doing basically the locomotive equivalent of that, with a stupid fucking idiotic smile on his smug little face. ["Actually, I think if you asked him, 'Were you totally copying the Uncle-Junior-looking dude from the Six Flags ads?' he would have to say yes." -- Sars]