So Arby's is creating an "all-natural" chicken sandwich, which God knows what that actually means. Actually, I bet Google does. Hang on. Awesome. Okay, the press release reads, "Other leading fast food companies offer chicken breast sandwiches with up to 29.3 percent of solutions made of various elements including water, seasoning (salt, spices and spice extract), oil, modified food starch, sodium phosphates." I would think that "other leading fast food companies" would also include "Arby's, until lately," or else this isn't a change. But reading from the Fast Food Facts blog, there are some other notable things: for example, that list is lifted directly from the McDonald's chicken breast fillet ingredients list. And Arby's own ingredients list? "Arby's Natural Chicken Tenders: Seasoned with salt, hydrolyzed corn and soy protein, flavor contains less than 2\% (autolyzed yeast extract, disodium guanylate, disodium inosinate, enzyme modified egg yolk, thiamine hydrochloride)." So natural you think you grew it behind your very own nuclear reactor! Also, sometimes the ingredients also include human skin, but that's rare and intriguing. I also learned that "chicken of all types" is the fast food growth market right now, which means lots more terrible chicken abuse we get to hear about in a few years as great leaps in abuse efficiency debut, and that the term "natural" can only be used if there are "no artificial ingredients or colors; no chemical preservatives, antibiotics or hormones; and ingredients that are not more than minimally processed." "Organic" is a little harder, which is why all the fast food places are focusing on "natural": poultry for slaughter must be raised under organic management from the second day of life; they have to be fed agricultural feed products that are 100\% organic (they are allowed vitamin and mineral supplements, which seems like something you could gerrymander pretty easily); no hormones or antibiotics, but vaccines are okay, and the sick and injured must be treated, but can't be sold as "organic" if they require prohibited meds; and they must have "access to the outdoors." Oh, and the going rate for "natural" fast-food chicken is an additional 25 cents per dish. That's 25 cents for a campaign that basically implies you'll get cancer and heart attacks unless you switch to Arby's All-Chicken Chicken, but since it's Arby's, they're probably right, because their food is all-around disgusting. And for the record, yes, I read Fast Food Nation too, but this is mostly interesting because now I want to write a song about this paragraph and make Hootie and Carmen Electra sing it.