Apprentice
King Of The Jingle

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma Now

Quick Quiz!

1. Team time is best managed by going on at length about a magical fantasy land in which you have cleansed the world of all inconvenience and strife: True or False?
2. Probably, if your Project Manager tells you outright that he is a loving and benevolent God that will never fail you, he's telling the truth: True or False?
3. It's not at all presumptuous for the most volatile member of the team to demand that you get your shit together before the egg timer goes off, because nothing is ever his fault: True or False?
4. People who take the time to tell you the "kind of person" they are, or "how they were raised," never have an agenda. You can tell by what they're saying that they aren't fooling themselves, and that they have absolutely no interest in their own propaganda! True or False?
5. The best way to tell if a former meanderer has really committed to focusing on the details of the task is if they immediately start throwing around nebulous, ill-defined, and self-aggrandizing "team dynamics" speeches: True or False?
6. Bryce is right! Without Dan, our only hope is...Tarek! No really, he has a skill! True or False?
7. Writing songs is girl stuff! The boys would be better off...doing nothing whatsoever, since the task is about writing a song: True or False?
8. Jews are evil: True or False?
9. You can't trust a foreigner: True or False?
10. Leslie exists: True or False?

Answer Key: For questions 1 through 5 and 7 through 9, score one point for each answer of False. For questions 6 and 10, give yourself a half-point for each answer of False. For final disposition of these questions, and thus your final score, see Professor Schrödinger, because nothing at press time seems to give a firm answer either way.

Taken up by the sudden foxhole mentality -- I love the part on a reality show where they all start declaring what fantastic people they are and volunteering to throw themselves on grenades for each other and just generally feeling like the whole world comes down to whatever room they're locked in -- Lenny says he'd prefer to get cobra'd over Lee, who protests that he never wanted a "freebie." Bryce assures him that, in his ultimate grace and mercy, he knows that, and that nevertheless, they're not going anywhere. Lenny takes full responsibility for the fact that his language gaps were a detriment to the task, and Leslie interviews that she can't see herself making that point, because it's kind of hideous, although it only really applies if Bryce's total failure is somehow a non-issue. Was there nothing logistic that Lenny could have done? Tarek gets to be this mysterious "creative director" every week and seems to do nothing but bitch and run around yelling at strangers. I bet Lenny could do that like gangbusters. Instead, he's been put in this position where the only thing he was asked to do is...something they all know he can't do. Bryce comes back to his main point, which is that they are a cult and he is their cult daddy: "I want us all to remember how we felt during the task. That's all I can ask." He's gaming them so hard. Does he even know? Does he even know that his entire appeal as a failed PM is: "Please keep in mind how you felt during the task, and remember that what you felt was not disappointment in me, or completely underutilized, but in fact grateful that I didn't start any fights this week." Either he's going home today, or he's winning this bitch. That's what I'm hearing.

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Apprentice

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