Apprentice
King Of The Jingle

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma Now

Tarek: Make special mention of any skills he may have used, his relationship with the Project Manager, and the pros and cons on the received wisdom that he is perfect in every way.
Charmaine: This is a rhetoric task. Use the skills you've learned to make an emotional appeal calculated to make her lose her shit in front of the Viceroys and Trump, with a bonus weight added for any references to her inability to take responsibility for failures, whether or not that applies or has ever applied.
Lenny: Be prepared to defend the accusation that you mismanaged him by assigning him the task of writing songs in a foreign language for a purpose nobody explained to him. Bonus points assigned for encoding xenophobic and capitalist stereotypes of "hostile foreigners" and "lazy socialists," and please be sure to somehow twist the concept that he is a funny dancing clown into the argument somehow for full credit.
Lee: This task is designed to test your will to be strained, but the higher level of difficulty will be rewarded. Make this appeal without mentioning the following terms: "Judaism," "Orthodox," or "Jewish"; "Yom Kippur," "Synagogue," or "Temple"; "religious discrimination"; or "obsequious young sniveling ass-kisser of the highest degree." Extra points if you are able to work the "Lee is a politician" angle into your argument, even though it has nothing to do with this or any other task.
Leslie: Be prepared to defend Leslie's existence in the pursuit of naming her as a weakness to the team -- you might have to sketch her face and discuss her entirely in the subjunctive mood, since Trump seems unable to see or recognize her at any time.

"Because of the Jewish holiday?" probes Trump, as Bill looks on, his gorge rising a bit at how nuts Bryce's brain is going. "No. We lost on creative input," Bryce "explains." He says that he respects everything Lee has contributed in the past, but that for this task, Bryce "really could have used his head." So -- because of the Jewish holiday, then? Trump asks if it isn't a bit "hard" to bring somebody in to be fired because he had the bad taste to observe a religious holiday, and this is fucking Bryce's response: "It's terrible!" I would have done an electric Kool-Aid acid test on a hair sample the second he said that. What!? ("Aren't you being kind of a dick?" "Well, the kind of person who would do what I'm doing is terrible, but..." But what, numbnuts? "But I have to, because I am that kind of person.") He then chooses Lenny, and the same tragicomedy unfolds, only with immigration language barriers instead of religious holidays. Bill almost falls off his chair and/or pukes. The fear that always lives in his eyes has gone crazy now that nothing makes sense anymore. At least Bill has the knowledge that Trump is God, right? So he'll not completely lose it? Trump sends Tarek, Charmaine, and Leslie upstairs, and reads off the teleprompter, "One of you will be fired." As he does every fucking week. But since Bryce is heading into Crazytown, he snits in response, "I'm aware of that, yes, sir." Is he...did he just go crazy? What is going on? He just called back the two people that Trump and both Viceroys told him not to, explicitly for the reasons he was told specifically not to do so, and now he's trying to punk Trump out?

Commercials, and then Carolyn's hair looks...not so good. Bryce is asked why, since Charmaine and Tarek (Leslie is going to end up winning, isn't she?) were responsible for the lyrics and music of their loser song, they are not back in the Boardroom. Bryce gives the counterintuitive explanation that without Charmaine there would be no lyrics at all, and without Tarek, there would be no music. That makes no sense. The song lost the task, but thank God for the song? "It was a team effort -- we lost because we didn't have any more creative ideas." He says "team effort" and its synonyms so many times in this conversation, and I don't know about Bryce (because I do not understand Bryce at all, because I am not nuts) but to me that connotes a certain amount of PM-related trauma. Like, you would only use the semiotics of "we lost as a team" if you're trying to get the PM fired. So either he's crazy, or he's trying to fire himself, which implies that he is crazy. Trump's like, "So, Lee?" Bryce tells Trump not to fire Lee. Which...implies that he is crazy. Trump asks why the fuck you would bring a person into the Boardroom and then politely ask that Trump not fire them, and my friend Andrea points out that it's obviously a pawn situation, that Bryce knows that Lee cannot get fired the week of Yom Kippur, so really it's just to get Lenny out. Which I buy, except that Lenny-as-scapegoat doesn't make a heap of sense either, and it makes you look dumb bringing in such an obvious cipher. Especially when you effectively blocked Lenny from doing anything constructive at all, which makes it seem like it was your plan all along, which is a stupid plan, because you only have to talk to Lenny for a few minutes before you understand that he is not ever going to be a great writer of songs in English. "You said to bring two!" is Bryce's explanation.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18Next

Apprentice

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP