Apprentice
King Of The Jingle

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Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma Now

Charmaine tries the tactic of performing a one-act play entitled "Why Does Tarek Always Act Like A Spoiled Little Girl In A Pinafore," which contains a spot-on impression of Tarek's usual bitching-out, but he's not buying it. In fact, he performs a sequel, entitled "Tarek Then Acts Like A Spoiled Little Girl In A Pinafore For Real," in which he does an impression of her impression, but since he doesn't know he's doing it, it's more like he just...bitches out. As he is wont to do. He answers her eye-rolling, sighing, painfully stupid faces and whining by...rolling his eyes, sighing, pulling painfully stupid faces, and whining. "Charmaine, you got it -- you got it. I don't listen enough, I'm a detriment to the team, right, but I'll change my ways moving forward. You got it." He's going for, like, macho or something here, but he's operating from such an ugly anima-possession place that he sounds like the internal mother-in-law of all people. ["I for one resent being put in the position of siding with freakin' Charmaine. Eat a bee, Tarek." -- Sars] His eyes are like little mean slits. I love how he's disagreeing with her by sarcastically agreeing with her, in such a way that he's additionally proving her right. That's so sickeningly oblivious. And we were getting on so well! Never again. The fact that Andrea is only in this episode for ten seconds of ugly faces does not mean I'm getting back on her motorcycle. I've learned my lesson. Charmaine's eyes are wildly impressed with this display, all, "You little fucking bitch! What is wrong with you?" She's so good in so many arenas. I wish she'd beat his ass. I am so over Tarek. I miss Dan. Now it's just fucking egg-sucking Lee, and creepy angry Lenny, and Tarek being a little bitch... What is that? And fucking vile Andrea now. And...Leslie who? And Bryce with his dead, soulless eyes. I realize that Dan never actually did anything to earn my respect, because he Leslie'd for the first four tasks and then abruptly went on a crack-fueled rampage, but still. He seemed nice, and not like a card-carrying member of whatever Asshole Union to which most of the remainder seem to proudly belong.

It's raining as Lee gets dressed and heads to Temple for Yom Kippur, the "most holiest day of the entire Jewish calendar," he [sic]s. Lenny laughs but not meanly, and hangs out with Leslie and Bryce in the kitchen -- for a second I get scared we're going to play another round of the Lazy Jew game, but we don't (yet) -- and at least there's no fucking klezmer this time around. Which, I would be interested in thanking the show for that, but like -- this is still so stupid and on purpose and creepy. It's not like Judaism fucking sprung this on you. You've had almost six thousand years to get your daybook in order, motherfuckers.

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Apprentice

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