Apprentice
King Of The Jingle

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Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma Now

Ahem. The task: Create a jingle with "lyrics that people will remember," using an assigned studio, band, and singers. The Arby's people introduce themselves, and they're both middle-America WASP types ("Debbie" and "Doug") so I guess the whole "The Trump doesn't care what your name is" stuff the last couple weeks wasn't racist after all. We cut to Lenny twice as much as everybody else, here, for some reason, and I wonder why after all these weeks, I never noticed the fact that Bryce is soulless and scary. I don't guess he's done interview filler much, since he's so uninteresting, but as PM on this task we're getting a lot of one-on-one time with his eyeballs, and they have the depth and human soul of Formica, and it's creepy.

Charmaine -- wearing a huge, silly, cute beaded ring -- sets up a meeting with Debbie. Tarek and Bryce are too busy with the mutual masturbation to listen when she tells them this ("You're probably better at this than even I am!"), so Charmaine has to do a lot to motivate them to get their asses going. Bryce interviews about how disappointing it was that they didn't all resolve their interpersonal conflicts in the fifteen minutes he demanded last night. Any time you start talking about group dynamics as "[your] emotional goal," you've pretty much lost the plot. "Stop having problems with each other! In which I am implicated! Because I'm the Project Manager!" He tells Tarek that if they lose, he's going home. Stupid Statement #1. "So, everybody needs to be doing this for me." Stupid Statement #2, and ugly besides. Starting from first principles with the sucking, I see.

Synergy drives through the rain toward the Arby's HQ, and of course Seanthusiasm is smarming it up with a thousand exclamation points. He's Felisha. That's all he is: a Felisha without an Alla. "It's going to be a really exciting task!" "We have the perfect team for it!" "You are the life force!" I don't know who he's yelling the last at, I think it's Roxanne but it would be funnier if it were Michael, because I'm pretty sure he's actually a generation-N Teddy Ruxpin doll. They arrive, and Sean wigs out some more: "YEAH! WE'RE HERE!" I love how he skips the middle man of having something to be excited about, and goes right into objectless enthusiasm. "Hooray!" How come? "Because it's fantastic!" What is? "Good question! You are the life force! Because it is Tuesday!" He interviews that he hears voices, and one of them today is saying, "[You] can definitely do this, [you] can definitely do this" and "[you] know the team well enough that you can adapt" and "manage with a style" to "get the best out of everybody!" I hate his voices; they're as creepy and delusional as he is. "My first decision as PM was to bring the whole team to meet the execs." You mean your accent wasn't the point of this task? That's a first.

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Apprentice

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