Apprentice
King Of The Jingle

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Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma Now

Then Leslie and Charmaine sit down at the piano and write the song and get it done really easily. Bryce interviews that a true leader finds someone "as good or better" than himself at a given task, and then you just "let them go." Hang on, I have to write that down. Okay, sorry. So he names Tarek the Creative Director, because that has worked so well every other week, and somewhere, batty old Theresa rolls over in her Center For Intra-Spection. Tarek gets the singers going and orders the musicians around and has a great time being the boss of everybody. They get the song going, and Charmaine and Leslie bop around and Tarek dances like a tool, which Charmaine finds cute for like one second. It is. Bryce interviews, preciously: "I'm proud of that. They came together. I think we nailed the task." Awww. But you were a half-hour late, to a meeting that you will never understand was ten times the useless lame handjob for Doug and Debbie than it was to you, because to them, it was just taking time out of their day to play in the sandbox with some game show contestants, and then go back to their real life jobs, which they earned and worked for. Think about that for a second, would you? And also: "At least they didn't have a fist fight" is not a claim to fame, douchebag. Especially when you are always one of the ones implicated in the fighting. The arrogance of becoming PM and thinking, "Finally, someone that can make them behave: Me!" is its own thing, but it's redoubled when you're one of the big babies in question.

A woman whom I am told is named Tina, although I heard "Tweety the Asian Secretary," is informed by Trump that he's going to "go out and see the kids about the jingle," and asks her if that sounds "exciting" to her, and then before she can even begin to kiss ass, he fairly screams, "IT BETTER BE!" She's like, "Have fun, dude." I like it when you're a dick, but it's okay because it's a joke, but really it's not a joke at all. He's trying to Andrea up his control issues -- "Isn't it funny that I'm seen as this controlling, effete freak of a overcompensating mess?" -- but, as with Andrea, all you can see is the tender pink skin underneath, and how gross he is.

At the Knitting Factory, Charmaine is assuring Lee he's going to love the song. Can we take a minute to meditate on the All-Chicken Chicken Songs making their debut at the Knitting Factory? Can't you just taste the cred? I would caution CBGB's to take note: This is how you stay in the black. Just bend right over for Arby's. Leslie interviews that Lee was gone for Yom Kippur, but he's an asset, but she hates him for not being there, but she and the group love his principles, but they're really inconvenient, but they were happy to see him, when he finally showed up, because being Jewish is not only making demands on Lee, but also on the white girls, and that is crappy, but she has a lot of respect for his religion, but she wishes he were there, because he is an asset. She does a good job of getting all those in there pretty simply and nicely -- not like Bryce eight days ago with Rosh Hashanah. (And think about that little fact for a sec: it's been four tasks since Rosh Hashanah, but only eight days, which means the cycle on this shit is even crazier than I -- at least -- thought, which means I'm going to give them even more latitude for their craziness and emotional volatility, unless I don't like them anyway, and then I'm going to ignore it and talk shit about them and their families, including pets.)

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