Task: To design an advertising and promotional campaign for Tower II, using a giant budget and a "digital artist," and then give the pitch to Don and Daddy, who will decide which team of two gets fired. Key points: ad campaign. That means internal. Not an ad, but a marketing campaign. The fact that only one team of the three will end up producing this -- the other two will basically create ads with talking -- should give us pause, but by the time we get there, things will already be so stupid that it won't matter. "Say hello to everybody in Vegas," Trump says, and orders them to "come back with some real good answers."
LAX. My notes say "Trump het porn," but I think I meant "jet porn," although I'm not sure we can definitively say there's a difference at this point. God knows Trump still hasn't figured it out. The jet porn goes on for one hundred years with wistful music, sliding up one side of the tumescent black monstrosity, stroking down the other. It's so gross. The, um, that thing where the stairs come out from the bottom so you can get inside? The gangway? Did I just make up that word? Whatever it's called, all you can think is, "Here comes the lipstick!" The camera is a stripper's hand in the champagne room; the throbbing jet is jutting like a proud warrior, out into a fertile field. Imagine what will happen when Heidi gets fired! Jet fuel everywhere. So you know who's impressed by all this? Nicole. You know why? Grossness.
Nicole: "Are you kidding me right now? Mr. Trump doesn't mess around!" They talk about how "gorgeous" and "unbelievable" everything is. And here's what we've got. Wood paneling. Abstract paintings in gilt frames. Actually, I was going to make a whole list, but there it is, like a diamond in pig slop: "Abstract paintings in gilt frames," on an airplane. Nicole: "Mr. Trump, I am impressed." He's not even around. She's just addressing the air in front of her regrettable face. It's like praying. "Mr. Trump's jet is like, awesome! Total reminder for why I'm here! This is the life! Mr. Trump is the high life! That's what you're working so hard towards! Is to be a part of Mr. Trump's life!" You know those pictures in Highlights where it's like, there's a tree, and a tire swing, and a cat asleep, but in the other picture, the cat has a black spot and the tire is Goodyear and not Firestone? And you got one minute to count them all? Listening to Nicole talk about what "life" is all about is just like that, only next to it, there's reality.