Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | 629 USERS: C+
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Lesson Twelve: Go With Your Gut

Anyway. So if you're listening, what Nicole has just told you is that she has already done all the work for this task that she needs to do, merely by existing. I'm not exaggerating like normal because I hate Nicole: this is the real shit. Her part of the promotional campaign is to stand at the front of the room and scream. About whatever pops into her head, of which Kristine does not need to be notified ahead of time. That's the part she's tasked herself with: to stand, and to scream, and to do this so very well that it will equal the part where Kristine's doing all the work, by Nicole's own admission. I want to write down on a piece of scratch paper everything that you've seen with your own eyeballs Nicole doing. I remember her screaming about the roller skates, and I remember her wearing a bathing suit, chillingly enough, and I remember her running around like a cartoon overbite. There was a hairnet one time, I remember that. She followed Tim to sell honey at gas stations and screamed at him about their love while standing near a toilet, with rose petals. I don't think she's stupid and I don't think she's particularly lazy -- in the task sense -- but I'm having trouble remembering anything that happened period, Nicole-related or not, so I'm asking you: my memory is faulty. Can you fill in the blanks here? Because what she just said is: "My part of this task will be that I am magic."

James and the designer -- to Stefani's very focused approval -- get together a poster with "360 degrees of marketing" on it, which will turn out to be their secret weapon, rather than the part they forgot to do like the other teams. James informs us that he and Stefani "know how Trump thinks," which I don't doubt, and that what Trump wants is "something solid he can stand by," not "some kind of gimmick." Which is blatantly bullshit, generally speaking, but in this case is true. This isn't a sales-gimmick task, because it's not a fucking sales task. And it pisses me off that James is involved in the only team to figure that out, and that at some point it stops mattering. The only way this episode should have ended is with Stefani and James as the Final Two, but Trump's hatred of the Kinetic Idea About Ladies, I guess, so outweighs his sense of logic that we gotta sit through an entire all-Arrow episode. Without even Heidi's scorching hot ass rolling around in a bikini every few minutes as a bribe. Design even one degree of marketing around that hellish concept, I'll give you five bucks.

Apprentice

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