Apprentice
Las Vegas, Baby!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Twelve: Go With Your Gut

Then a TRUMP that goes on for TRUMP TRUMPS about TRUMP and all its TRUMP, and how they're going to the Sales office and to visit two model units. (But there are three teams?!? What if there's casual racism as a result of this oversight?) Then this part is awesome.

James: "What should our theme be?"
Stefani: "What do you think?"
James: "I'm profoundly uncreative. What does Trump make you think of?"
Stefani: "Grossness. But also...The Height Of Luxury."
Jacob: "So you just answered question one, not question two, but James is so far up his own asshole that he thinks you're still brainstorming."
James interview: "My mind told me, 'That makes sense, The Height Of Luxury, because Trump's all about luxury!'"
Jacob: "Um, my mind just told me to tell your mind to let you know you're a tool. She didn't give you the raw tools to come up with the theme, she gave you the theme. If this is how you actually operate, if you're honestly this inclusive and sucky, no wonder you thought you were this huge creative force on Arrow: everybody's ideas getting reshaped by you into the exact same shape they already were? That's so middle management it's like post-Dilbert. It's Ziggy, is how pathetic that is. Tell your mind that you deserve to win this awful game show."

The execs at Trump Vegas are terrifying in a multidimensional way. They're scary in the Old Vegas Man way of maybe they'll kill you; they're scary in the way where they're one hundred years old and are so soul-dead that they're willing to be associated with Donald Trump; they're scary because I've always been afraid of Statler & Waldorf, whom they strongly resemble; and most importantly, one of them looks like the scariest person ever captured on film, Lash Canino from The Big Sleep, about whom I still have like one nightmare a year. He's so scary-looking in that movie! James gets to suckin' immediately about how amazing it is to sit in a room with totally gross, decrepit murdering gangsters and talk about how the biggest penis in Vegas is not enough, because for Trump, the new goal is two giant penises. That's how in over his head Donald Trump is: two penises' worth. James refers to them as the "twin towers," which is something of a misstep in my opinion, and then asks then what the "inspiration" was for the two giant towers. They're like, "Really? Because it's Donald Trump. I mean... did you not know about how he has this issue with himself?" Then they totally lie about how Trump was even the architect on them, in some ill-defined way, and I get tired of this.

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Apprentice

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