Las Vegas, Baby!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
Lesson Twelve: Go With Your Gut

Still here? Here's how I look at it. We're tackling some pretty complicated shit here, and complicated shit calls for complicated thoughts, and paths of logical development, trains of thought from A to B to usually Z, and with me, on into that weird Apple-Apple-Mario alphabet. Complicated thoughts mean one of two things: economy of words, or serious editing. I choose my words very carefully, and I have very kind editors, and in any case, I'm not writing copy. When I'm writing copy, or proposals, or anything in which complex thoughts are not only not the goal but in fact counter to it, I do exactly what Heidi, and every other copy writer or person called upon to write copy, does: assemble everything at once and then combine the most necessary and clearest examples with the other elements of design. The last thing you want is a bunch of useless language when the point is simple, because people will get bored: you have to integrate these things organically. Throwing some poorly spelled words at the problem, typing some random copy into a Word document, is fine if you're the type to, say, use quotation marks for emphasis, as a certain trashy racist of our acquaintance has been known to do.

But in this case, there is no problem with Frank; not really. Because he is looking at Heidi surrounded by ingredients -- she's stirring a roux with her toes, chopping tomatoes with a piercing gaze, tenderizing the flank with her forehead, while juggling the other ten ingredients, some of them living, one-handed -- and wondering where the cheeseburger is, because for him it's as simple as that. And I don't imagine you have to be Proust to run a successful construction company. That's not elitism speaking: different jobs call for different skills. Writing well is not a skill or pursuit that Frank needs in his life. It's like, I grew up in Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. I can't ice skate. Watching a person ice skate, I can't tell if they're doing well or doing poorly, unless they really go one extreme way or the other. And to a normal human being -- that is, one not engaged in the act of writing -- what Heidi is doing looks crazy. She looks like the kind of bitch that would take out Tony Bennett, is what I'm saying. And he can't be blamed for not getting that, any more than she could understand how the same jumpy energy that made him so unbearable on the jet is what makes him one of the best, most charismatic, most dynamic salesmen this show has ever seen. Say it with me: The Thing That Makes You Awesome Is The Thing That Makes You Suck. Always. And Heidi is going to ride that pony right into a brick wall in a sec.

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