TEAM HOLLYWOOD CHICKEN BOWL. James and Stefani put up huge posters on either side of the video screen and Stefani puts her game face on. She interviews to us that Trump is all about big ideas, big buildings, but the outfit they OTF'd her in, all you can think is, "... big giant boobs... " Stefani begins to beguile with her public speech ways, giving facts and talking up "height" and "girth" and whatever Trump likes. She does manage to mangle the jump point to the video, about how Tower II will "most certainly be the most beautiful among the Vegas skyline," but compared to what's coming, that is like Shakespeare. It's just noticeable because of her performance. She continues to give the speech as music plays which is both amazing and amazed, and we dive down ever further into the TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP, as we sit and watch almost the entire goddamn commercial that they've created. (Also, the website at NBC tells us, you can now watch them online. Okay?) So it's just great, great stuff. Even before you see what they're up against, it's great. And then, they pull down the posters, revealing a SECONDARY SECRET SET of posters outlining the marketing plan (i.e. the part only they managed to do, a.k.a. the point of the task), and do that whole spiel. Frank is: terrified. Heidi is: perturbed. Kristine is: so very sleepy. Nicole is: insensate, making a list of all the people she'll show her Birkin bag to when she's rich like Trump so they can never call her trash again. Heidi: "Fuckin' WHAT? That was AWESOME!" Trump and the whole world too: "For REAL!"
TEAM FAIRLY MIDDLIN'. Silly goofball music that sounds like Season One The O.C. plays as Kristine sets up their posters and starts Turning Vegas Gold; Nicole gets their presentation ready on the laptop. And continues to do so. And commences giggling stupidly like a dull girl one-third her age, while still trying to get it going. Trump starts heckling her; Kristine nods into space like a beautiful California bobblehead, starting to get embarrassed. And you know, I get freezing up, here. I get why they get tongue-tied, I get why they're so nervous, and it's not entirely about kissing ass. It's not just about approval. It's also because really smart people spent buttloads of money to make sure that Donald Trump is terrifying. All that Iacocca shit about sliding the salt shaker across the table and encroaching on the other guy's space so they feel backed into a corner? All that weird voodoo? Trump lives in a weird voodoo world. It's the reason you always have to wait at job interviews. It's the reason they always have to wait in the boardroom for him to appear. It's the reason Carolyn's so scary, and it's the reason the walls are the height they are in there, and the cameras come in the way they do, and the reason the table is the size and dimensions it is, and the reason the doors are as wide as they are, and the reason he stares at them blankly when he should be asking questions and why he asks questions when he should be listening to the answers. So yeah, I get it. I'm not in love with Nicole's response to the pressure -- or Heidi's, for Pete's sake -- but the pressure itself is real. Which means Stefani is even cooler than we thought.