Las Vegas, Baby!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
Lesson Twelve: Go With Your Gut

Previously Tim was "wet behind the ears, young man" for tying himself up with a girl of sorts, but that was "life." Trump agreed, but sort of didn't, and we've been edited to think that he was completely fired because he let Nicole get in the way of...something. The reason for the edit is that this episode is all about how she's heartless and whatever, women are sickening, so it has to look like Tim went down with the ship with love in his heart, while she's a heartless ball-buster who doesn't give a crap -- which is all women in business could ever be, which is why you have to fire Carolyn once she's officially more likeable than you in the media. See: Kristine watches -- lofting a yooge goblet of Nicole Antidote, or what they call "Syrah" in Napa -- as Nicole snorts through Tim's goodbye note. It's poetic: "I wasn't about to force myself to feel or not feel something because in my mind you and I were stronger than all of this... " Nicole snorts through an interview about how he passed her a note through the hedge which contained "all his feeeelings in a nuuuuutshell." If you can fit your feelings in a nutshell, beware: you're probably dating the first person you can find, because you're on TV.

Tim's Note: "I'm completely crazy about you! Even if you drive me completely insane!"
Kristine: [drains her entire goblet of Antidote, still gets cooties]
Nicole Interview: "That's sooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuute!!!LOL1L!!!"

Back in the boardroom, Trump's yelling at Tim like last week about how Tim chastened him, had the gall to insult a piece of Americana, the unmitigated cheek to suggest that giggling and farting around paternalistically about a showmance was even grosser than the thing itself, while NOW, Trump says -- and I don't remember us getting to hear this line last week -- "Now it's okay to be kissing your little Nicole?" Gross, fucking gross. What part of this is okay? Either this is a funhouse mirror on what business is actually like, or the state of our country makes a shitload more sense. You be the judge. We remember Tim trying once more to explain how you can either be "disloyal" by causing drama on Nicole's behalf, or "disloyal" by not causing drama on Nicole's behalf, but you can't be guilty of both, because that's CRAZY. And honestly neither are true, which is why I hate what happened to Tim, and what he did next. But Tim didn't just spit it out, and got riled by the constant interruptions, and refused to get to the point in the milliseconds between Trump's wild ravings, and he paid the price. "She's a distraction, and I don't care what you say. Tim, you're fired." Catch that? "I've decided how reality is going to go, and I don't care what you say." So when I say that Trump pulls that exact same shit -- not once, but any number of times -- in this episode, it's not knee-jerk feminism or ageism, it's Trump-jerk reality. In case you get confused.

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