Las Vegas, Baby!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
Lesson Twelve: Go With Your Gut

Frank gets bored two words in -- a major factor in this episode, and a trait he shares with the decision-makers on this show -- and tries to dick with her in a way that only makes sense if you've ever been drunk. "Are you bothered that Tim's not here?" Nicole answers -- quite well, I was impressed -- that it's disappointing that Tim is gone, being a strong player who got fired for a stupid reason. "Are you emotionally hurt?" Nicole answers -- again, brilliantly -- that there's no shame in mourning a fallen comrade; Kristine cried real tears when Angela left, and Heidi did whatever she does instead of crying. Frank -- making the drunk point that people who are drunk try to make, which only exists in their heads -- yells that she's "beating around the bush" by only answering his questions, and not confirming...whatever point it is that he's trying to make. (Note this for later: drunk or sober, if Frank doesn't understand your answer, or if it's not what he wants/expects to hear, basically that makes you: a liar.) So anyway: is Nicole emotionally hurt. (You mean like, right this second?)

Nicole: "Are you asking me if I'm going to cry?"
Frank: "Yes."
Nicole: "Are you kidding me?"
Frank: " the most literal person in the universe. You could plane furniture on my intellectual flexibility."
Nicole: "Like, do I feel like I lost a part of myself?"
Frank: "I am drunk, so... Sure?"
Nicole: "Are you retarded?"
Frank: "Retarded in love with you, maybe!"
Nicole: "That's what you wanted to know, eh? That's what you kept asking me over and over about and I kept playing coy so I didn't have to answer your stupid question? Whether or not the fact that my boyfriend just saw his dreams crushed, does that bother me."
Frank: "Yep."
Nicole: "I am shocked that you would ask me that. Now! Ask me again! All eyes on me! Right here!"
James: "See? Women are worthless liars and have no souls, just like I keep saying anytime The Tim And Nicole Show foists itself upon us."
Frank: [Divorced from the ugliness he and his teammates are pulling off right now, I hasten to preface, is nonetheless possibly the most adorable he's ever been in his life. It's the fucking weirdest thing, this episode.]

Heidi finally reins them all in and reminds them about THE SHIT THAT IS ACTUALLY GOING DOWN IN REALITY, NOT IN NICOLE'S HEAD OR FRANK'S BOOZY GLOW, asking Kristine who she'd like to partner with. Kristine interviews that yeah, of course Heidi thinks they're going to fight together, being the last of the pureblood Kinetic women. Of course she'd want to assemble a willing and able team...but that's not how this is going down, for some reason. She's irritated by Heidi's lack of effort last time, and scared (as she should be) about Heidi's penchant for biffing presentations, but she's thinking clearly and at least has a game plan, and it's a great one, actually. I wish we'd ever seen Kristine before, so we'd know how well her brain has worked on previous tasks! If Heidi's team wins, that's another win for Superstar Heidi. If Heidi's team loses, Heidi's gone and won't be in the F2 where she belongs. If you're on Heidi's winning team, it's a null sum; but if you're anywhere but Heidi's losing team, you're already in a better position. Even if that ends up being with Nicole, who will sink you in a heartbeat even though you're on the same team, because she's sucky and stupid and more interested in assigning blame than she is actually using her head to win, because she prefers her victim status to anything remotely approaching power or respectability.

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