Now, first of all, it would never occur to me to be anywhere but Heidi's side, defending her from attackers and bringing her snacks, because she is the love of my life, and second of all, Kristine is brilliant, because that's honestly really good math. The only part she's missing is how, because of how this show works, because of the Martha Stewart Principle, Heidi's only shot at winning this thing would have been to become vastly uglier the second Trump pronounced her a Superstar, or managed to find some other impossible way to compensate for the fact that for women, to get anywhere on this show (and let's be honest, in a lot of the business world) have to walk an impossible balance: to be both everything Trump wants and everything Trump wants to be, while simultaneously being just a little impossible bit less than those things, or invisible in his presence.
Frank and Heidi! Are the other team! My two favorites! Somehow! He's like, we started this, we're going to end it. She throws up everything she's ever eaten, seen or smelled, but her smile as she does so is simply dazzling.
Billboard for an unrelated Trump thing going on somewhere. Called a "Real Estate Wealth Expo," which... You know that means you get to stay poor, right? You buy a three-ring binder and then nothing in your life changes in any way? We've discussed this before? Anyway, hi, Trump in the sky. FYI: This entire episode is the biggest commercial ever. Stefani's wearing a lacy shell underneath her jacket, so we're back to Brockovich with her again, and Don Jr. has a severely demented part in his hair and looks like a scary monster. At first Trump's surprised by the teams that are chosen, but then -- as his creepy little mind gerbil starts running -- decides that this is awesome. I love how he hates the idea of Kinetic so much, he literally has to remove them from the world, like a blot on his vision. He mentions that L.A. is a "great place for tourists," but opines that perhaps it is not the "only" popular tourist destination in the country. For example, he shares with them a secret place: "There's also a place called Las Vegas?" Oh my God just hearing Donald Trump say the words "Las Vegas" makes my syphilis flare up. Too much grossness in one place. Did you know Donald Trump built the tallest building in Las Vegas? Neither did I. Is it even true? I couldn't give less of a fuck, but I'm assuming it's not. I am also assuming that when he says these things, regardless of their truth or falsity, he has no way of knowing whether or not they're true: somebody told him this so that he would like them, because they wanted money. I guarantee you that's how shit goes down. So we can laugh at his total lying about having the number one show on TV, or we can reflect on probably he's just working with what he's got to work with. Which is better? I can't say.