Apprentice
Let's Get Physical

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | 2 USERS: A-
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Lesson One: Don't Make People Hate You

Alla explains in a measured, wise tone that Kristi has no reason to try to get her allegiances in order, because she has a well-deserved confidence about her abilities, and that Melissa is on the defensive and knows she's probably going down. The thing about Melissa is that she's so messed up inside that she can't hear both voices at the same time, which makes her act nuts, because she's not operating on a level where she can actually get five seconds for introspection and relate to people around her. Her entire life is a fight for survival. Imagine for a second: what if everyone on earth was out for your ass? Don't you feel sorry for her now?

Kristi interviews, and rather cutely: "This isn't Kristi versus Melissa. This is Melissa sucks and she needs to be fired." She clearly very angry at this point, like verge-of-tears angry, but it's diluted somewhat by her being cute as a button.

Capital Edge enters the boardroom -- Melissa's first, of course. Gotta get in there and use her sparkling repartee and clear understanding of the interpersonal psychology of business to save her poor, persecuted ass. Trump asks why they lost, straight up, and Kristi points out that it was only by $11. This isn't the answer, and Marshawn steps in: "Mr. Trump, we lost this task because of marketing." Assuming she was going to be fired, Melissa acts like this is a personal vindication, like they've been in there half an hour. "Thank you. Exactly." Kristi starts to look worried. She should.

Carolyn holds up a crumpled XXX flyer, very Connecticut Slow Burn around the face: "Who came up with this idea?" Melissa points silently to Kristi like this is a fucking cartoon; it is ridiculous and ugly. Kristi explains about the mix-up with the printer, and like I said, I can see where she was going with that. Honestly, it's not really a problem if you view it that way, in my opinion. The Xs become X-treme rather than X-tra Sexy. Now, Ivana would have taken it back to the printer's, that's one good thing you can say about her. Of course, she would have stayed there 'til Tuesday, but she would have redone it. The lack of emphasis and dropped balls on graphic identity and branding always weird me out on this show.

Kristi continues to try to talk as Carolyn holds it up, eventually having to resort to a very unsettling ex-CUSE me to shush her. "This is three Xs, [and it says] 'We're going to make you sweat.' Do you think you're marketing to women?" Kristi protests that she never would have even thought of it that way, but Melissa jumps in to bottom-line it for us: "The reason we lost, just so we can get to the bottom of this, is because of our project manager."

Alla speaks up that this is untrue, and the entire team shakes their heads emphatically, but Melissa continues: "She's very weak, very unorganized…" At this point Kristi kind of loses her cool and talks when she shouldn't -- she addresses Melissa about how she came up with the choreography and did a lot of the sales…but Melissa's not done, continuing right over her. "You're loud, you're obnoxious and weak, you make poor judgments, you shouldn't be here." Sigh. The stupid thing, beyond the pot/kettle here, is how she made that decision about five seconds after the other women didn't automatically elect her PM back in the shuttle bus, and has been repeating this exact list since that moment. Because she sucks unbelievably.

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Apprentice

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