Let's Get Physical

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | 2 USERS: A-
Lesson One: Don't Make People Hate You

Melissa goes, "Did you hear every single other person?" Trump is like, "Yeah, I did, and they hate you and think you should leave." Melissa's like, "They said I was negative but that's it." Which is crazy, right? Then she goes, "The reality for me…is that I don't work well with women, because they're always intimidated." Hell yeah she said that.

George looks disgusted and confused by this one, and Kristi informs Melissa that she is in no way intimidated. Melissa gives her theory that she's so intimidating, in fact, that the entire team has gotten together to get rid of her, because Kristi is a weak link and not strategic yet. This is great because it's my favorite reality TV fuck-up, trying to game the show and get all alliances and double-crossing the second you get in the house, but also: they're not really competing against each other just yet, and the women as one were responding to how disruptive she was to them as a group, not how intimidating she was as a competitor. I mean, she makes me uncomfortable, but just because she's an erratic, deluded bitch, not because she's a power player. Are you kidding me with this?

So Kristi pulls a Markus and attempts to engage Carolyn in a discussion of something that happened two years ago (did somebody in Season Two try this "women hate me" shit?), but Carolyn's way too into what's going on here, and silences her with what was I'm sure quite a flick of the wrist. Kristi apologizes, and Melissa continues to rave, but I'm stuck on the whole Carolyn/Kristi thing. She's gotta know that now's not the time to ask Carolyn to team up with her. She's totally in trouble. It's a very Markus move: "You're my friend, right, good buddy? You like me? We don't like stinky Melissa because she's just a dumb-dumb." I like Kristi, a lot actually, but this was really bad.

Melissa explains that all women are intimidated by her because she's beautiful, and smart, and…she begins another list. Carolyn nearly laughs, looking over at Kristi for a second before remembering that they're not friends right now and she can't have a moment of solidarity with her about the crazy of Melissa, but come on. Trump points out to Melissa that most of the team is beauty queens (never mind how he's a pageant owner now and probably cast this season from his skeevy badger personal files), and Melissa starts off on some weird explanation about how Kristi is one of the few people that…something, I have no idea what she was about to say. Something effing inane. Trump just asks again if she thinks Kristi was intimidated by her beauty. She demurs.

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