Apprentice
Life In The Luxury Lane

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Seven: Sometimes The Joke Is Not On You

Step THREE: Take a long motherfucking look in the mirror.

Kinetic: Jenn gets her Regina George all up in Angela's Kady Herron, and vice versa, and it's fucking fly, and they talk about how if Angela weren't a steady tortoise-wins-the-race type of person, they would not have had to resort to shitty ideas like the go-karts, and how conversely if Jenn weren't a work-shirking octopus-loving honey whore, they would not have had a presentation that was this close to turning into a slaughter. I mean, I'm paraphrasing, but whatever it is, it's fabulous. They interview these basic facts a bit more clearly to us, and whatever. Like Angela's going anywhere.

Anne explains that Kinetic was not so impressive, due to the go-karts in great measure, because go-karts do not have a luxury factor like, for example, all things on God's green Earth that are not go-karts or a prison camp. She points out, however, that Muna and Heidi put forth a tremendous effort. To create the first Lexus-woman hybrid baby, I think she means. Also, this just in: both Trump and Randal think Lexus is SOOOO GREAT, and they're not just saying that, and they will continue to love Lexus SOOOO MUCH even after this task is over, and it's gross.

Into the Boardroom! Andie's like go straight in, don't even bother me. I have my GED to study for. Kristine's looking super-stressed, so I don't see this going well, because she wasn't even there and she's still weirded out. Pink tie, again, so probably Derek's gone, for some crazy reason. Jenn tells Trump that she was shocked by their loss, since everybody did such a great job...failing. Trump immediately brings up the horrible signage, and whatever, Jenn admits suddenly that they fucked up, but he's not fooled: "But you just said you did great!" Can't get a thing past old DT. He tells her how Randal was horrified by their performance on every level, and how they didn't convey luxury, because they were in a tent, which is tacky. The irony of this fully escapes him.

Trump: They had multiple LCD screens and, what? You had four signs?
Jenn: We worked really hard, I stand by that, nobody was a colossal screwup. Except for Angela and Derek.
Derek: I only had 5 hours! To do nothing! I will take a token amount of responsibility for this, but mostly it was Angela's fault, the woman sitting beside me here, who I am indicating by pointing my finger at her, to remind you that she's here while simultaneously distracting you from my imposing presence.

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Apprentice

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