Apprentice
Life In The Luxury Lane

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Seven: Sometimes The Joke Is Not On You

Over to the Trump Mansion, where Randal is as boring and inconsequential as ever, and now sporting the extra-scared wall-eyed Boyfriend Bill look as well. What does Trump do to them? We may never know. Do you really want to, though? Trump is like frat guy to the power of Army guy, you know? Not feeling that, at all. Jenn tells him straight up that Kinetic did an outstanding job, and since the task was crazy and intense (it was, for the first time so far), she was amazed how everybody pulled together. On their theme that made no sense, and presentation that was a dog's breakfast, they did essentially a great job. At least they got a lot of useless Lexus information loaded into Heidi's hard drive. (Did you I tell you Karen's theory that Heidi is one of the Final Five Cylons? How great is that?) Surya strategizes an answer to the question of how Arrow did, but never quite gets there. Everybody "dug really deep" and they had "game faces" on, and it was "game time," and the game game was abuzz with ludiferous gamerosity. Trump calls Nic and Tim a beautiful couple, which means he's still going nuts, which means this is going to be awesome.

Arrow comment cards: The staff was v. polite, they went out of their way to help, were very well organized, and delivered exactly what one would expect from Lexus. Those are some great comments! I love that. "You weren't a shitty knock-off of the Lexus ass-kissing that I have come to expect." Overall rating: 94%. That's a trounce. I don't care what Kinetic got, nobody gets that high. That's awesome. For them, I mean. I'm certainly not fucking rooting for them. Besides Tim, and Stefani, and James, and Frankie Suits, and I guess Nicole, I fucking HATE Arrow. Frank claps like a seal, or like a slow kid getting to see a seal for the first time, at the zoo, and Trump tells him that he hasn't won yet. "But we're proud," Frank explains exuberantly, and of course Trump has no answer for that, because he was just being a dick for no reason when he said that anyway. And Kinetic? Oh, girls: the "Sixth Sense message" didn't fit the day, today or any other day. There was a lack of activities and no opportunity to learn anything, because they forgot Heidi's USB attachment, and that it didn't "feel like Lexus." Which I always thought meant something "felt like Arrow"? I'm so confused right now. Overall: 84%. Which means that two Kinetics are going home. I hope it's fucking fabulous! And weirdly, it's going to be!

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Apprentice

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