Apprentice
Life In The Luxury Lane

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Lesson Seven: Sometimes The Joke Is Not On You

This is not... This is so, so awful. I am actually glad that Arrow won this task because at least Frank's not doing anything weird, he's just being Frankie.

Imagine Heidi rapping.

Wouldn't you die? Stefani interviews like the third ringing of a bell that says she's being set up for a bitch edit next week and possible firing, even though she's right, and she's always right, about how Surya, "the self-proclaimed #1 Snoop fan," leaned back against a wall and acted like he never even knew which one was Snoop, which he didn't. "Like an idiot! Why was he there?" Ouch, Stef. Dial it back for me, please. Meanwhile in the night vision of Trump Trailer Park, Jenn's drunk, again, always, bitching about "Snoop? That's cool," hilarious/snotty like that, it's awesome, and Heidi from somewhere deep inside manages to summon a nearly believable "That...sucks?" Over at the studio, Stefani's dancing like a white girl, and Nicole is amazed that there's such a thing as Snoop, and they sing a song that's stupid, and Nicole says, in her way, that everything that Arrow Corp is about was defined in that song. And that's true, and everything that Arrow Corp is about is defined in that fact, and so on. Stefani tries to have a conversation with Snoop, but he's suddenly very very high and gets sleepy, so he makes them go away, and he winks at the camera, and this episode is so...very fucked up.

SURYA SAYS: Let's do a StepSnap FiveFishBlue Strategy Thought Session!

Step ONE: Make a list. What is more fucked up than this?

- The fact that Arrow keeps winning.
- The fact that Arrow individually keeps getting less and less objectionable as we get to know them, as though you cannot judge books by their covers.
- The fact that this is happening even though everything that seemed apparent about them at first glance is still true, but it's somehow not a problem.
- The fact that Kinetic keeps losing.
- The fact that I'm like 80% sure that there are members of Kinetic we still don't know about
- TRUMP SAID FOR SHIZZLE! FOR SHIZZLE!

Step TWO: write each of those phrases on a different whiteboard, piece of 11"x17" (what's called "legal" size) paper, or 3"x5" (index) card. Brainstorm up a big old mess. Don't do anything with the mess. Write the word MESS on another card. Stick that one in your pocket. Go get some lunch. Talk about how hard you're working. Rock out to some Snoop Dogg. After lunch, write some more shit on the whiteboard that nobody will ever read. Take an hour to write everything from the whiteboard down on some note cards. Make sure that they are plain white, but unbleached, note cards. If necessary, order them from the green catalog located on the third floor near the hippies in IT. Go back to step ONE if you forget what you're doing or get bypassed in management by someone with thoughts and ideas, forcing you to freak out about what you're entitled to and how much leadership you're constantly displaying, and threaten to jump to a startup that your friend is talking up, and don't actually do anything, and then get laid off anyway for being a toolshed. Don't forget to roll over your IRA. Tear up the note cards and eat them with a delicious lemon sorbet. This is the taste of leadership.

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Apprentice

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