Lights! Camera! Transaction!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
All up in your grill

As Ivana and Pamela are talking, Stacy shows up with the QVC general counsel, Dave. Stacy thinks that Dave should watch the entire rehearsal of their demonstration. When she asks whether it's all right for Dave to watch, Pamela tells her that's fine. In an interview, however, Pamela is less happy. "Stacy's a lawyer. Through and through and through and through," she says. And at home, I'm all, "Yeah, AND?" Pamela adds that it was a "bad idea" to put Stacy on legal issues, because apparently, it's taking her forever. I do think having the legal guy watch the entire demonstration is probably excessive. It appears that one of Stacy's issues is covering up labels on other brand-name bottles in such a way that you can't tell what product they are. At least I think that's what she's doing. And it appears that rather than take advice from Dave about generally how to do it, she's insisting on having Dave review every individual bottle. That could get tedious. ["See my previous comments. A more experienced attorney wouldn't have fixated on the CYA aspect of the task. Shut up, Stacy." -- Sars] Pamela takes Stacy for a little walk, during which she tells her that it's not the object to be "legally thorough." I can certainly understand how that would upset Stacy, but I understand what Pamela is saying also, when she says that the point of Stacy's role here is to get the QVC attorney to a point where he's comfortable. Of course, even though Stacy has a point to some degree, she ruins it by conducting an interview in which she says that if Pamela didn't want someone who is going to do such a good job she should "ask the wedding planner to be the lawyer." She's just so snotty every time she opens her mouth. It absolutely drives me insane. I would rather have a person with ten points less competence whom I could actually stand to have in the room with me.

Trees! Were still out in the sticks. In "Pennsylvania." Backstage at QVC, we go down the hall and find a red light sign hanging from the ceiling that says, "QUIET PLEASE." I have to think that's someone's version of a shout-out, because otherwise, it's just too funny. Carolyn and George are watching the Apex run-through, which is being directed by Elizabeth from the control room. Pamela is in the control room, too. The rehearsal begins, and one thing becomes instantaneously clear. And what is it? Maria is not intended to be on television in this capacity. Or probably in any capacity. She's like her usual self, only six times as much so. As soon she starts to talk, she twitches and blinks even more than usual. She's the kind of person who is so atrocious on camera that I would actually spend the rest of the week telling people about the crazy woman I saw on QVC who looked like her arms were attached with rubber bands. Elizabeth makes a funny face as she realizes that Maria is decompensating as they do the run-through. Pamela also makes a very funny scrunchy face. Keep in mind that Maria is not someone they thrust in front of the camera against her will. This is someone who sold herself as a wonderful public speaker, who nonetheless looks like she is hosting a tic festival between her eyes. Pamela, interestingly, shows her lack of skill with word choice when she chooses to frustratedly refer to Maria as "gregarious." That is definitely not the word she's looking for. I'm not sure whether she's looking for something related to gyrating or what, but she's definitely not looking for the word "gregarious." Pamela hits the nail on the head, however, when she says that Maria "looks like she's having a seizure." See? No big words. Keep the description simple. "Like she's having a seizure." Or, as I would have said it, "like she needs sedation." On the other hand, Jen is very good in front of the camera. Pamela and Elizabeth decide that the person to run the presentation is obviously Jen, which means someone has to break some bad news to Maria. Even George shakes his head as the women's presentation finishes up. Maria? Horrible.

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