Apprentice
Lights! Camera! Transaction!

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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All up in your grill
Previously on Yes, I Know, She Said "Bread" And Not "Red," And Thank You For The 17,000 Emails To That Effect : When the teams were charged with running a restaurant for an evening, Chris gave a unique lesson in customer service in which he admitted that it's always helpful if you can forget that you hate the public. I tried to take it to heart. The women argued, especially Jennifer C. and Stacy, who were both contenders for the Obnoxious Bitch of the Century award in a race expected to end in a photo finish. Jen was like, "Munchkin!" Stacy was like, "Anti-Semite!" Over at Mosaic, things were not quite as tense as John engaged in a little strategic flirting. The women learned that black dresses are not actually appropriate for every occasion, especially if you hang out in a neighborhood Sars swears is mostly carpet stores. Mosaic took home the prize, and Apex was forced to return to the Boardroom. The women sat around the suite bitching about each other, getting into arguments, and changing their clothes every five minutes. In the boardroom, Jen could not avoid responsibility for having first done a weak job of managing, and then done a weak job of selecting people for the Boardroom. Carolyn was embarrassed to be a businesswoman. The rest of us were embarrassed to be women in general. And, in some cases, to be humans, actually. Maria recycled other people's already not-very-fresh clichés, and Stacy was obnoxious and rude, but in the end, it was Jen who took a walk into the history books as the first person to leave The Apprentice with one less job than she had when she got there. Fourteen are left. Who will be fired? I keep wanting to start every recap by saying at this point, "I certainly hope it will be Stacy!", but I fear that if I do that, it will never come true. You know what they say about witches. Er, "wishes."

Credits. I think you can tell a lot about a person from the fact that she has a creepy smile. And I'm not saying Stacy smiles like a gremlin, but if the grimace fits, you know.

New York skyline porn. Night. Muted trumpet. You assume from this that people up in the suite are totally doing it, but as it turns out it's just the Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch. Of course, totally doing it would be one way to pass the time while they wait. It would beat talking to each other. The men are asking the first round of women to return what happened in the Boardroom. Remarkably, Ivana claims in an interview that Carolyn said she was embarrassed to be businesswoman because the women were losing. She apparently missed the part where Carolyn specifically said that the reason she was embarrassed to be a businesswoman is that the women could not get along and were fighting like eight-year-olds. Way to make sure you get the point of the lecture, Ivana. Back in the suite, Ivana reports that she needs a beer to get over the Boardroom experience. It's quite a coincidence, because I need a beer to get over the Ivana experience. Stacy and Elizabeth finally return to the suite. There's no particular reason for them to show you at this point that Wes is riding a stationary bike, but it's okay with me that they included it. I never said I wasn't a cheap date. Stacy enthusiastically says to the group, "The witch is dead!" You can tell that's going to cause confusion among the other people, all of whom are looking around thinking, "Oh, so you just came back to pack?" There is some asking of, "Which witch?" and all that, but they all know Jen's gone. Stacy reports in an interview that the entire team is "exhausted" and "fed up" and such. From her pleased little aura of superiority, it appears that she isn't aware that much of the exhaustion and fed-up-edness specifically relates to her. Remarkably, Stacy manages to complain in her interview about "stupid petty crap" among the team members. I half-expected her to open a little umbrella over her head at this point in a futile attempt to protect herself from the crushing Irony Boulders undoubtedly about to fall from the sky.

As if to make the point that there is plenty of stupid petty crap to go around, we listen in on an Apex meeting at which Elizabeth complains that Sandy was helping Jen C. say bad things about the rest of the team in the boardroom. Sandy bitches in reply about Elizabeth crying during the task. Oooh, burn. Andy watches in amazement as the women argue, and Pamela's jaw literally drops as she sees them go after each other. You can almost see Pamela mentally constructing a cross she can hold out in front of her if this team ever approaches her in a vampire-like fashion and tries to convince her to join. Oh, Pamela. She tells us in an interview that she is "a competitor first and a woman second." Inside the suite, she says that she fears having the women's bad attitude spread to her like cancer, while back on the interview circuit, she reminds us that her team is made up of men. She's not rooting for, as she puts it, "uteruses versus penises," she's rooting for her team to win. Apparently, Pamela missed the meeting where it was explained that the role of a woman on this show is to be twee and fussy, not to talk straightforwardly about competition. Buuuuurn her!

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Apprentice

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