Excel meets Wyclef, and Josh tells him that he calls Brian "Rubble," because the back of his head goes straight from head to back -- there's no neck indent. He describes this in kind of loving detail to us. Clay calls Brian the "rebel rhyme master" and Wyclef laughs at every single one of them, and then tells them the track will be called "Rubbleman." Mark plays the drums and interviews to us that they'd been up 36 hours at this point, making it "hard to be excited about anything," but that Wyclef is a musical genius and gave them each the perfect part to play. This is shown to be true by first Brian playing the timbales, each of which is equal to him in volume, and then Markus standing at a mic screaming, "YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS!" And I start to realize just where we're headed. The second I start wincing, of course, Adam shows up, singing all manner of dorky and hard-to-watch about "Ladies, if you see us in the club, freakin' " and he says it just like you think, half boy-band and half band-geek and all "fuh-reek-in-ah!" and it hurts, it hurts, and everybody sings together and harmonizes, and they're not bad, it's just that I've told you before what this kind of thing does to me, it's excruciating, and Brian starts rapping, and it's horrible, it's like from the '80s, those karaoke booths that they would blast all over the place and you could hear all the ten-year-old girls singing "Kokomo" together with their reedy, nasal voices, and you just wanted to run and hide, and the words are, like, "I'm in the club watching girls twirl / Sound system thumping it" and Wyclef whips the boys into a froth about "Make it hot! Hot!" and Markus does his yell again, and Josh goes "yeah" a bunch of times and dances like an idiot, and he's making this face that I'm pretty sure is his Trump impression, which is awesome, but he's not dancing like Trump, he's dancing like himself, and it's awful, and Brian is not good at rapping, and they are all so goddamned excited about this that it's maddening and I'm blushing for them and all the words are retarded and then Brian does a ninja trick where he flies up into the air and does a flip and it's still not over, okay, and Markus goes "YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS!" and seriously, Markus is the best part, and I don't even mean that in a bitchy way. Then Josh explains to us that it's a beautiful metaphor for teamwork because Wyclef found their talents and put them to work in a beautiful orchestra of every single muscle in my body wound so tight I can barely see to write this recap.
Episode Report CardJacob Clifton: B- | 665 USERS: C+
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