As the women tour the place, Trump's girlfriend Melania comes down the stairs. "Hi, I'm Melania," she tells them, which I think taxes her vocabulary tremendously. There is chitchat, and then Tammy asks Melania, "How do you clean a house like this?" Well, I don't think Melania knows much about how you clean the house, there, Tammy. She's not exactly scrubbing the toilet with the marble-handled plunger. "Well, you have, uh, people to clean," Melania says blandly. "You're very, very lucky," Heidi says. "And he's not lucky?" Melania says. Way to put the guests at ease, there, you rude, rude girl. People say that all the time -- "you're a very lucky guy," "you're a very lucky woman" -- and it's not a slam at you, it's a compliment about how much they like your other half. You can shut the hell up and take it graciously, but I don't know why I would expect anything Trump-related to be gracious in any respect, I suppose. They all obediently stammer that of course Donald is also lucky, of course! Of course he is! Melania may not be married to Donald, but she has already taken as community property an exact replica of his incredible need to have people kiss his ass.

And here comes Donald now. Down the hall and into the apartment. He's very busy, you know. He greets all the women, and tells them that if they're really, really successful, they can live just like this! Or, of course, they could decide to have taste, but why quibble? "It's fun," he says. He interviews that he only shows the apartment to a very small number of people. Presidents and kings are the two types he mentions. And now, of course, everyone with a TV. So much for discretion. I will admit, though, that if I decorated an apartment that way, I wouldn't show it to anyone either. He takes the women on a little apartment tour, which includes the functional fountain (ugly, of course). Kristi says that they "got to see a different side of him." It looks to me like they're seeing the same side of him that he displays in all circumstances -- the "look-at-me-look-at-me" side, but Kristi's the one seeing the marble up close, so she would know. He shows them the dining room and admits that he never eats dinner there. It's just there to act as a demonstration of what a really rich person's dining room would look like, if he didn't have any taste. Before they leave, he admonishes them to "put on [their] competitive hat again" and get ready to compete some more. When he's gone, Tammy says again how "rich" the apartment is. Yeah, we get it, sister.