Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | 614 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Nine: Your Life Is Not The Truman Show

Team Excel bops around, but not as horrifically as Capit-- oh, spoke too soon. They are actually more embarrassing than Adam. There's this "beat beat beat" thing leading up to the chorus, which is like the hook of the song, and they all dork out massively. It's their baby, I get it, but man. Exec VP guy leans over again: "Seriously, can you hear this on XM Café?" They agree it's not "a perfect match," but Excel begins to...sing along. Lord. I want you to know that I actually felt each and every one of your psychic hugs the second this shit started, and it was more comforting than I can say. Thanks for that. You are awesome.

A caller thinks it "sounded pretty good," but God forbid it "pick up the beat there" a little bit. Exec VP gets excited: "That's my point! The beat is not what Café is!" This is like Pootie Tang or Jem or Footloose where The Man hates all music that is good. Caller two calls it "formulaic" and "typical pop," which leaves Rebecca nonplussed. Third caller thinks it's "okay," but didn't "hear many lyrics," or anything else "besides a really weak riff." Rebecca interviews how she thought such a "sophisticated, intellectual audience" (DRINK!) would maybe buy into the whole fake Nigerian background thing, but was "kind of surprised" to find that that there was no "real huge enthusiasm." Her face remains intensely surprised at this even in the post-task interview. The last caller finds it interesting, but ultimately wants "more vocals." Cut to Rebecca hating everyone in the world while she processes this clear failure.

The execs talk about how they liked both songs, but obviously one is not right for the XM Café. Trump comes in, hair looking absolutely ridiculous. It's apparently becoming kind of a sho-lo in the back, like a DA with an attitude problem. He starts grilling the execs about the songs before he even walks all the way in, and they reiterate that both teams did well and created good tracks, but that there's a clear winner. Trump's excited by both clauses of this, and summons the Apprenti. So there are the Final Six, right, and the three execs, and Trump, all staring at each other, and I can't remember the last time this season the judging part was held in those specifically stressful circumstances.

Apprentice

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