Apprentice
One Hit Blunder

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Nine: Your Life Is Not The Truman Show

Excel has laid down the track, and purely from my own musical viewpoint, what they've come up with is…not bad. Sassy beats and a somewhat conventional structure that allows for some doo-doo-doo and some yeah yeah -- nothing particularly trailblazing, and generally kind of building on the first Seal album, especially with the vocals being what they are, but nice enough, and at least it doesn't smell like pot and Austin and Harry Connick's hair. There's a band called Res that you hear in IKEA and Pottery Barn and like that, and I like them enough to have bought the album. Not identifying with the XM Café demographic is kind of my life's goal, though, so what do I know?

Rebecca interviews, somewhat hilariously, that they've gone from "the whole 'What About Me' chick lyric" to "Nigerian Seal meets Lenny Kravitz," which concept about makes me want to drop a Nexium or a Valium right there, and explains that the whole concept of the song is that Jidé's "going back to his Nigerian heritage" and "remembering to be true to himself." Which, three years old, but roots are very important, so again I will say nothing.

Of Note:

Capital Edge:
Felisha, 29: Jo Dee Messina, pop.
Alla, 31: No heavy metal, rap or country; anything as long as I can dance to it.
Adam, 13: Frank Sinatra, Green Day, Bon Jovi.

Excel:
Rebecca, 23: Hip hop, rap, rock.
Randal, 34: R&B, soul, hip-hop, and reggae. But, above all, I love slow jams!
Clay, 28: Michael Bublé, Norah Jones, Mariah Carey, Rob Thomas, Moby, and Gretchen Wilson.

And if you don't get why that shit's funny, I don't know what to tell you. Anyway, there's then a moment where Clay puts Jidé on shout for fucking up a line, and there's intense and utterly Laguna Beach-fake edit of them looking at each other like they might fight. Clay interviews that Jidé could "fit into a lot of different genres" because he's "got a lot of soul to his sound," and then says something that genuinely confounds me, that Jidé could "almost fit into classical if he wanted to." Is that like a Bublé kind of classical? Like a "You Raised Me Up" kind of thing? Because if not, I'm lost, and either way you're wrong. Then he goes all Professor 'Iggins on your ass: "I'm gonna push this guy to his limits and make him into a mega-superstar." Oh, dear. Neely O'Hara! Neely O'Hara!

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Apprentice

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