Apprentice
One Hit Blunder

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Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Nine: Your Life Is Not The Truman Show

Rebecca interviews cutely how "Clay freaking opens the door while I'm talking," invalidating the grand entrance which I maintain could've helped them immensely, and then again complains: "Working with Clay has been my Achilles heel, because he consistently takes the group completely off course." Rebecca's Achilles ankle then pouts.

After the ruckus, Rebecca starts again, about how Jidé left Nigeria when he was three, and how his "adventurous music will bring new life to XM Café," and Programming already looks bored, so Randal calls their attention to the poster he made, talking about how it tells you the artist, the station, and gives you a reason why Jidé would work on XM Café. As he's pointing out the pretty salient marketing point that they've chosen to include an XM catchphrase with "New Stars To The Power Of X," Exec VP is whispering that the channel number is wrong. It's actually an uncensored station whose website features Snoop and whose remit goes as follows: Hip Hop from Day One: "The Rhyme" features the grandmasters of rap and the music they invented, more vibrant than ever as it grows with the times...Run DMC, NWA, Ice Cube, Notorious BIG, Tupac...and we never edit the music. You get everything full strength, just like the artists intended it. May include frequent use of explicit language." So that's why that's funny, because if Jidé were in the same room with those guys, he'd end up knitting them a sweater. The execs agree it's a "small detail," which is important for post-Boardroom recriminations.

Opinions expressed in this paragraph are solely those of the recapper and do not reflect anything but, because the whole big thing two weeks ago freaked the recapper right out. Do not cap the recapper, do not email the recapper, do not taunt the recapper. Now, Trump loves conspicuous wealth, yes, and the denigration of women. Ludicrous toupee and incipient racism aside, I think it's actually his lack of any discernable rhythm or mack that keeps him from being a true Uptown O.G. Exhibit A for this assertion: the painful sight of watching him nod his head toolishly to Jidé's song from his limo, where he's still apparently famous and still apparently on his way to XM. To be fair, the Jidé song is, again, better produced, more fun, and a better song (if not for XM Café itself), so maybe that's why he bestirs himself for this hideous head-bopping "dance," but I'm going to make the call that this display is due more to some unthinking white guy thing -- a response to the voice he's hearing, and the beat of the song -- than strictly what you call "music appreciation."

Team Excel bops around, but not as horrifically as Capit-- oh, spoke too soon. They are actually more embarrassing than Adam. There's this "beat beat beat" thing leading up to the chorus, which is like the hook of the song, and they all dork out massively. It's their baby, I get it, but man. Exec VP guy leans over again: "Seriously, can you hear this on XM Café?" They agree it's not "a perfect match," but Excel begins to...sing along. Lord. I want you to know that I actually felt each and every one of your psychic hugs the second this shit started, and it was more comforting than I can say. Thanks for that. You are awesome.

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Apprentice

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