Apprentice
Pandora's Box

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Box of tricks

The next morning, we return to the L-Pal, and the Rhonaphone is answered by Tana. Rhona explains that they'll be meeting Trump at Trump Park Avenue at 8:00 AM. We proceed over to said Trump Park Avenue, where Trump is meeting with a couple of people who are discussing with him the good fortunes of Home Depot. For whatever reason. Then the candidates show up in their Liability-Avoiding Hardhats, and Trump explains that the partially constructed apartment they're in right now will ultimately sell for $30 million. None of them, really, will ever be worth as much as that apartment, and he doesn't want them to forget it. Trump reminds us that it's his whole deal to "build things for a living," so in the next task, they're going to do something vaguely but not very related to that -- Home Depot. Trump says they're the fastest-growing retailer in the United States, doing over $70 billion in sales every year. Trump explains, for anyone who doesn't know, that one of Home Depot's keys to success was getting people involved in do-it-yourself projects at home. It's also been very successful in harvesting lawsuits against itself when people do things like pull down entire toilets on their heads, but Trump doesn't mention that part. He introduces two Home Depot executives who will be overseeing the task, which is to create a do-it-yourself clinic at an actual Home Depot store. It will be a subjectively judged task, based on how creative and awesome it is. There will be no sales figures, so you'd better suck up to those executives. Mini-muffins! Bottles of wine! Seriously, they look corrupt. The team that has the better clinic will win, and the other team will go to the Boardroom and see somebody fired. Trump reminds Kendra that she's exempt from last week, and then they're off. Oh, and the real Carolyn and George are both with us this week.

Construction shots of Trump Park Avenue. Who cares? I want to see a toilet fall on someone! God.

Net Worth has a meeting in which Angie says that she'd like to be the project manager. She refers to Home Depot as "the happiest place on earth." And I suspect she means it. She also says that she thinks Net Worth can win. Better than saying they can't, I guess, although I can't imagine what makes her think that. Stephanie says that she is also a big fan of the Home Depot, and will be happy to support Angie. Angie starts by asking for ideas for the clinic itself. Erin sits there looking like she would rather be having her legs waxed. Chris, on the other hand, immediately becomes very intense for the first of many times this week, saying that they should look for something "hip and trendy" that people are putting in. Angie's idea is crown molding. Which...I understand, but I'm not sure you can just stop people on their way past and get them excited about crown molding. "I don't even know anything about Home Depot, I'm sorry," Erin abruptly puts in, proud to be the kind of person who can assure you that she always has someone to do things for her whenever she needs one. Angie interviews that she found Erin's attitude a little punk, since you don't have to do the project to help the team. Angie tosses her hair stripe a little as she points out that maybe before they pick a final idea, they should go to Home Depot and see for themselves what the deal is. What a great idea, Angie! Let's all take a not-at-all-product-placed trip to the fantasyland that is Home Depot! Perhaps there, we can see some of those smiling Home Depot employees I've heard so much about! In an interview, Erin says that when she learned the task was at Home Depot, she "almost cried." And then she says: "As a former beauty queen, I know what a crown is, but I don't know what crown molding is." The best thing about that stupid line is that LTG immediately informed me that for the rest of the week, he would be prefacing all his remarks with, "As a former beauty queen..." And he hasn't stopped yet. I highly recommend this, as it will add a touch of class to all your conversations. ("As a former beauty queen, I'll talk to you tomorrow." "Okay, as a former beauty queen, I'll look forward to it.")

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Apprentice

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