Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | 770 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Two: Be The Good Kind Of Gay

The Stupid You're Fired Remix is I guess here to stay. I noted that in the credits, Angela, Frank and Michelle are at some event, while Marisa, Derek and Nicole's clips are from the car wash last week. Not everything has to mean something, but it's interesting. Hopeful piano music plays us into to the candidate mansion, where it is quarter of five in the AM, and Aaron and Kristine answer the phone. Evan Rachel Wood all full of devil babies is on the phone, calling, and her name is Andie, apparently being so awesome and super cute that she's able to handle not only the three jobs formerly staffed by Robin, Rhona, and Otto, but also still keep up her busy career of being in the eighth grade. I didn't get much time with Otto but I can't say I won't miss him.

While everybody in Hotel Voulez-Vous gets ready and checks their email over coffee, the Valley View Restaurant is sad and dirty and covered in trash. James takes a freezing shower; Carey stares into the void that is this show. He interviews that "Living in Trump Trailer Park" really is that bad, and he "implores" anybody that would disagree to spend two weeks outside their own house. Which, I guess I understand his point, which is that nobody wants to go to a job interview after sleeping on the lawn, but it makes it seem like people are aggressively scoffing at them for bitching about their conditions. Which I'm not, it sucks, and you best believe that I would be bitching, but I would A) do it in like my diary, or after I got home, and B) I don't have anything to prove about how high-maintenance I am, or what a pampered hothouse flower I turned out to be. There's something kind of Louis Vuitton about bitching about it at this point, that says more about how you need to project yourself than would sacking up and dealing with it. I want you to think I am a rugged outdoorsman who's killed before and can strip and clean a Kalashnikov blindfolded. I have no interest in making you think I grew up in the lap of Nantucket luxury or rowed crew or whatever the hell Tarek stuff is going on here. Understand that my reasons for that are no more interesting or valid, and the bullshit under the surface of this episode is a huge reason for my needing you to believe that in the first place, but we'll get there later. Right now I will just say that I have an idea why he's invested in this kind of propaganda, and I am sympathetic. However, I will put forth the idea right now that the amount of time these people bitch about living in the yard is inversely proportional to the amount of time they're going to last on this show, because that is some wasted goddamn energy.

Apprentice

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