They, of course, take a limo to the Playboy mansion, and of course it's a female team member that gives us the soundbite introduction to everything. "Whoo! What a relief! I kind of thought that place was disgusting and stands on the grave of every woman who ever fought to be taken seriously as a human being, but thank God the cute one okayed it for me." Jenn explains that they were greeted by Hef's three "girlfriends": Bridget, Holly, and Kendra. Holly's the one he's going to impregnate. She's 26. Walk the tightrope like Susan B. Anthony or wearing a bunny suit: either way you pay a price, so rock and roll.

“I don't know if at this age it is physically possible but we've certainly talked about it and it's certainly a possibility.” -- Hugh Hefner, quoted at A Socialite's Life

"They greeted us right away," Jenn explains, telling us that the house is gorgeous -- even nicer than she thought it would be. The "girlfriends," speaking like one horrible plastic being in three bodies, conduct them into the "Great Hall," and Hugh Hefner comes down, so old and gross and addled that he can't even remember his name. He still looks good, I'm not going to lie, but I'm also not going to have sex with him for money, so my opinion is pretty much worthless on how attractive he is. Of course, I have no room to speak about his sex life generally, as I can't understand having so much of your personality tied up with the myth of your own virility that at eighty years old you're still propping the old soldier up to fuck women and impress your friends, or the world, or whatever the hell his nasty ass thinks it's doing. It's not like his virility is failing: it's in Boca. He is eighty years old. Get another hobby, you sad old pervert.

"Well, I think it's like the birth control pill for women. I think it reduces the conflict between the expectation and the reality." -- Hugh Hefner, Larry King Live, November 29, 2005