Apprentice
Pink Is The New Black

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Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Two: Be The Good Kind Of Gay

Gross. This is exactly the kind of LA that Trump would find most appealing. It's all there: the hideous opulent trashiness, the wink-wink prostitution, the pornographic appeal, the complete disconnect between sex and desire. It's all there. Meanwhile, on Kinetic, nine forced smiles meet his huge grin. Surya -- the only heterosexual man on the entire team -- is not impressed. Everybody laughs painfully, because it's just so awful. Over at Arrow, Tim laughs because it's hilarious that their reward is a trip to hell, Frank's jealous because he's always jealous, and Nicole is upset because she didn't win the trip to the Playboy mansion. Heidi, appalled and smiling, is still the PM of Kinetic, and will be sitting in as Viceroy on the boardroom. Frank makes some stupid faces, Michelle is terrified of the boardroom, because she can read a room sometimes, and for some reason we act out all frenzied on Frank's worried face, even though he's the only one that did nothing wrong this week.

"Nicole was the Project Manager on this task, as well as one of the swimsuit models, and if I was in her shoes I probably would have delegated someone else to do the modeling, but she did a good job on the runway nonetheless." -- Ivanka Trump's Yahoo! blog

Carey calls a meeting, back in the yard, about how he's not going to be doing any political stuff or jockeying for votes. He puts forth the ridiculous suggestion that there be "no conversation about who should get fired" because that's "not what it's about," somehow, in Carey's version of reality. Frank and Aaron talk about how losing is now -- for "the first time in his life," Frank overacts -- like a nauseous, sick feeling in their stomachs. Stefani is nearly crying and talks about how she's so mad she just wants to spit. Mhmm. Frank interviews -- over footage of him dealing with the garbage cans in a very stompy manner -- that it "really sucks" that they get to go to the Playboy mansion, while Arrow has to go back to the cold, cold backyard. I would go to cold, cold war-torn Czechoslovakia before you'd get my ass to that awful, trashy place, but I can understand why Frank would be upset.

They, of course, take a limo to the Playboy mansion, and of course it's a female team member that gives us the soundbite introduction to everything. "Whoo! What a relief! I kind of thought that place was disgusting and stands on the grave of every woman who ever fought to be taken seriously as a human being, but thank God the cute one okayed it for me." Jenn explains that they were greeted by Hef's three "girlfriends": Bridget, Holly, and Kendra. Holly's the one he's going to impregnate. She's 26. Walk the tightrope like Susan B. Anthony or wearing a bunny suit: either way you pay a price, so rock and roll.

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Apprentice

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