Apprentice
Pink Is The New Black

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Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Two: Be The Good Kind Of Gay

Trump's really on the ball this week. I actually like him a lot in this boardroom, except for a few minor things coming up. He goes less and less to the subtle Dad-style deadpan humor, and I miss that. "I have a great body, I really do," he says, giving Frank a giggle, "I could wear that suit, Carey, and you could wear that suit... " But nobody else at the table. Nicole rolls her eyes snottily: "Mr. Trump, come on." Cut to Aaron, of course, who should try it on just in case, I think. Everybody laughs, and Heidi, perfectly polished apple in hand: "They may be able to, but would they?" Which is a good and central point, but the way she says it is so ... who's that chick with the pigtails on Rugrats? She's like that. Sam McPherson on Popular is how superior she can get. Just eminently mockable. I really do want to like her, but this week she's a little gross. Carey nods that not many people would, perhaps, and Trump tries to get back to his train of thought: "You looked good in the suit, but ... " Nicole, out of nowhere, snorts, "I woulda worn the suit, as a bottom!" Shut up, dude. Carey explains that there are gay people in the world who buys things, and Ivanka tries to explain -- and for all I know she's the first person to actually do so -- that these are not consumers, but buyers. Whose job depends on understanding the entire market, not just the one that applies to you, the designer. And also: Carey said gay. Which means everybody can now say gay, and imply it even when they don't say it, and this just got stupid. Carey has dropkicked us out of the world where that's off the table.

Trump says he was with the buyers as they were refusing to buy the suit, and Carey tries to explain how they branched out with three designs: the great board shorts, the pretty-cute but very tight boxer-briefs, and the horrible pink thing. He spectrumizes this out as the straight suit, the metrosexual suit, and the gay one. In other words, he hands it to Trump. Not that this failure wasn't Nicole's, but you know at this second that Carey's going, because what he just said is: "Fire me, Trump" followed by the word "gay" thirty times in a row. "Carey, are you gay?" asks Trump, in his pink banker-collar shirt and fuschia tie, as though he's still unfamiliar with the term. "I have never heard of 'gay suits.'" He asks if Carey tailored this to a gay consumer, and points out what a huge disadvantage this was. "It was reflective of only your taste," Ivanka says, as usual making the point better and smarter. Trump points out that the women buyers didn't like it either, and reiterates that Carey looked great in it, and then he and Ivanka talk about how very "proud" he looked in it. Which is weird. "You loved it!" he screams. "Your head was so high, you were like a peacock!" Trump does a weird chest move that might be offensive or not, I have no idea what he was trying to do there. The question I would ask is: why that question, twice? Why, of the I'm sure hours of boardroom footage, that's right out the gate, twice? What's so off or wrong with the picture of a man assuming a pose of pride -- chest out, standing tall -- that it's a major factor in this discussion? What does that image represent? Vitality? Strength? Virility? Something unearned, maybe? Something way back in the brain, where maybe he should show a little shame for standing there in his underwear?

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