Apprentice
Ep. |
Title |
Air/Pub'l |
Grade |
Author |
| 7-13 Weecap |
Under the HammerUnder the Hammer - Trump makes his choice between the nice guy and the successful guy. Try to act surprised. |
2008.03.28
2008.03.28 |
C+ | M. Giant |
| 7-12 Weecap |
Going Once, Twice, You're FiredGoing Once, Twice, You're Fired - Trace and Piers begin the final confrontation. |
2008.03.20
2008.03.21 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-11 Weecap |
Bread And Badda-BingBread And Badda-Bing - Never mind the misspelling in the episode title; the hinted-at Vinnie Pastore cameo never happened anyway. |
2008.03.13
2008.03.14 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-10 Weecap |
Painting By NumbersPainting By Numbers - What happens if Omarosa loses to Piers by a 20-to-1 margin? Well, we'll never know, because she loses worse than that. |
2008.03.06
2008.03.06 |
B+ | M. Giant |
| 7-9 Weecap |
The Money ShotThe Money Shot - Tito scores the most profitable loss of his career. |
2008.02.28
2008.02.29 |
C- | M. Giant |
| 7-8 Weecap |
Quality, Value, And ChaosQuality, Value, And Chaos - The teams compete to sell you crap you don't need. More so than usual, we mean. |
2008.02.21
2008.02.22 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-7 Weecap |
The Mane EventThe Mane Event - The episode title isn't just a lame pun; it's a prizefight up in here. |
2008.02.14
2008.02.14 |
B+ | M. Giant |
| 7-6 Weecap |
Window Of OpportunityWindow Of Opportunity - To dump your Telemundo stock, that is. |
2008.02.07
2008.02.07 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-5 Weecap |
The Croc And The RatThe Croc And The Rat - Those shoes are made for walking, and that's just what Vinnie does. In circles. |
2008.01.31
2008.02.01 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-4 Weecap |
A Knight On BroadwayA Knight On Broadway - There are a lot of hits on Broadway, and Empresario takes one of them. |
2008.01.24
2008.01.24 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-3 Weecap |
Mr. Outside The BoxMr. Outside The Box - Gene is so sure he led the women to victory in this task that he gets himself fired rather than risk having to admit otherwise. |
2008.01.17
2008.01.17 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-2 Weecap |
Task: Pedigree Community Awareness AdTask: Pedigree Community Awareness Ad - Who can make a better ad with cute animals and emotional appeal? It's not who you'd think. |
2008.01.10
2008.01.10 |
B- | M. Giant |
| 7-1 Weecap |
Task: Selling Hot DogsTask: Selling Hot Dogs - There are plenty of wieners to go around. |
2008.01.03
2008.01.03 |
B | M. Giant |
| 6-14 Recap |
Lessons LearnedSeason 6 Decision Time - Trump takes out first Frankie and Nikki, then -- for reasons only known to him -- James, resulting in one of the only legitimate winners in the history of this show. That takes up five minutes; the rest is mostly Hair and whinging. |
2007.04.22
2007.04.27 |
B | Jacob |
| 6-13 Recap |
Lesson Thirteen: Stinky Bums Are Definitely FunnyThe Final Four - Totally Bizarre: Nicole ROCKS, Frank is HELPFUL and MOTIVATED, and Stefani SAYS and DOES things. In front of everybody! Less Bizarre: James is deluded and sucky; returnees Tim and Surya say nothing for the entire task. Not That Bizarre At All Really: returnees Aaron and Angela turn invisible, while the stronger personalities shine; Don's hair reaches weirdness levels equaling that of his father's. |
2007.04.15
2007.04.20 |
A | Jacob |
| 6-12 Recap |
Lesson Twelve: Go With Your GutLas Vegas, Baby! - The tents are gone, there are no more Project Managers, the Apprenti reshuffle into three teams, and the world is finally rid of the strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent women of Kinetic. |
2007.04.08
2007.04.13 |
B | Jacob |
| 6-11 Recap |
Lesson Eleven: The Smartness Is In The Science!Shut Your Smartmouth - But Frank's is still M.I.A., as Tim openly states when he gets backed into the corner during this season's second-grossest boardroom. |
2007.1.001
2007.04.06 |
C | Jacob |
| 6-10 Recap |
Lesson Ten: After This Interview I'm Still MeGirls On Rollerskates - Angela learns that Olympian and Workhorse are not an entire person; Frank continues to be weirdly awesome; Tim and Nicole have strengths and weaknesses some more. |
2007.03.25
2007.03.31 |
B | Jacob |
| 6-9 Recap |
Lesson Nine: Pain Is TemporarySoap Gets In Your Eyes - Trump's continuing breakdown in the face of massive disrespect hits another level; Nicole is gross in a bathroom; Heidi reveals her awesome true reality. |
2007.03.18
2007.03.22 |
A | Jacob |
| 6-8 Recap |
Lesson Eight: The Level Of Our IncompetenceBend It Like Donald - A half-time show for some soccer team I've never heard of means skits about vitamins, lots of bitching, the exposure of James's CYA nature, and Muna's emergence into the radar. In other news, it's really hard to create compelling or fun skits about vitamins. |
2007.03.11
2007.03.17 |
A | Jacob |
| 6-7 Recap |
Lesson Seven: Sometimes The Joke Is Not On YouLife In The Luxury Lane - Jenn and Derek are double-cobra'd in the sweetest, funniest, weirdest episode in recent memory. A car that is also a witch, a woman who is also a robot, and a switcheroo of trash and class. Oh, and SNOOP. |
2007.03.04
2007.03.09 |
A+ | Jacob |
| 6-6 Recap |
Lesson Six: Accessibility Is Never Politically IncorrectTravel Sweepstakes Smackdown - Everybody gets tongue-tied when a language barrier sends Kinetic out to the yard again, and Tim kisses Nicole on the mouth, whilst sitting in a tree. |
2007.02.18
2007.02.23 |
B | Jacob |
| 6-5 Recap |
Lesson Five: Speak Up. Or: Don't, DependingTo Bee Or Not To Bee - Aaron loses a honey-marketing task by wandering about aimlessly, sending Team Arrow back to the yard; Aimee remains Kinetic PM despite also wandering about aimlessly. |
2007.02.11
2007.02.16 |
B | Jacob |
| 6-4 Recap |
Lesson Four: Don't Use Your WordsDrive-Thru Duel - A mere bowl of chicken and mangos destroys everything Heidi has worked so hard for -- except the continuing hypnosis under which her team continues to labor. |
2007.01.28
2007.02.02 |
B | Jacob |
| 6-3 Recap |
Lesson Three: Finite & Infinite GamesHollywood Walk Of Shame - Michelle engages in violence against words and the game itself, freaking out everybody involved with the show, after an Arrow v. Arrow task sends Kinetic to the spa for a day of relaxation and yet more drinking. |
2007.01.22
2007.01.25 |
B | Jacob |
| 6-2 Recap |
Lesson Two: Be The Good Kind Of GayPink Is The New Black - Nicole leads Team Arrow to another loss after failing to control the monster that is Carey's crotch, wounding Trump perhaps permanently. |
2007.01.14
2007.01.19 |
D | Jacob |
| 6-1 Recap |
Lesson One: Jump That Shark Like You Mean ItTo Have And Have Not - Perpetual PM Heidi wins the first task: a car wash; Loser PM Frank takes Martin into the boardroom, then shreds eardrums for the remainder of the episode. |
2007.01.07
2007.01.12 |
A | Jacob |
| 5-15 Recap |
Lesson Fifteen: Shed Your Personality Like So Many Unwanted PoundsSeason 5 Finale - Sean and Lee, the least memorable personages ever to grace your screen past Week Five, go head-to-head in a battle so uninteresting they don't even bother to show it. |
2006.06.05
2006.06.14 |
C | Jacob |
| 5-14 Recap |
Lesson Fourteen: Accountability Is A ChoiceThe Final Battle - The final task gets underway, as Team Lee freaks out their corporate and charity sponsors while doing nothing to prepare for the Barenaked Ladies, while Team Sean loses their PM to fake romance and a team member to Ebola. |
2006.05.29
2006.06.03 |
A- | Jacob |
| 5-13 Recap |
Lesson Thirteen: You Are His Bitch, He Will Be Hanging His Slam On YouWho Wears The Pants? - A fashion-design task proves once again that you can't keep a good man down, or a couple of mediocre ones, even -- but you can do whatever you want to the ladies. |
2006.05.22
2006.05.27 |
B | Jacob |
| 5-12 Recap |
Lesson Twelve: Use Your WordsBacks Against The Wal-Mart - The Commemorative Stacie J sisterhood breakdown comes later this year than usual, but the result is the same: the Synergy Xbox task goes down in flames even though the Rush project looks like hell, and PM Tammy goes home. |
2006.05.15
2006.05.21 |
B | Jacob |
| 5-12 Recap |
Lesson Twelve: Use Your WordsBacks Against The Wal-Mart - The Commemorative Stacie J sisterhood breakdown comes later this year than usual, but the result is the same: the Synergy Xbox task goes down in flames even though the Rush project looks like hell, and PM Tammy goes home. |
2006.05.15
2006.05.20 |
B | Jacob |
| 5-11 Recap |
Lesson Eleven: Don't Share BitchesBack To School - Outback and Rutgers proves an unbeatable combination for Synergy and PM Roxanne, while PM Lee loses for the first time as a team leader, and "fires" Michael. |
2006.05.08
2006.05.13 |
A | Jacob |
| 5-10 Recap |
Lesson Ten: Girls R Just DumBlow Out - A task in a hair salon turns every male candidate into a lumbering idiot, because that's how not gay they are, and Trump into something really terribly troubling. PM Charmaine and anti-PM Tarek finally both get the boot. |
2006.04.31
2006.05.06 |
F | Jacob |
| 5-9 Recap |
Lesson Nine: You Can't Bulk-Sell BullshitAssault On Battery - Gold Rush does a Fatality move on Synergy, beating them not only soundly but brilliantly, under the watchful eye of Lady Liberty. Both Ivanka and Donald, Jr. are there to watch it, which somehow makes it even more amazing, but not as amazing as watching Andrea's heart grow three sizes on the cab ride home. |
2006.04.24
2006.04.29 |
A | Jacob |
| 5-8 Recap |
Lesson Eight: Horatio Alger Is Mother Goose For WeaselsA Slice Of Heaven - The self-mythologizing of Lee goes into turbo mode as we remember what he's really like, and try to invent more Jewish holidays so he'll go away again. Leslie gets fired, but...I don't believe we've met. |
2006.04.10
2006.04.16 |
B- | Jacob |
| 5-7 Recap |
Lesson Seven: Speak My LanguageIt's More Than Décor - PM Michael does not lead Synergy to victory, exactly, but PM Lenny screws up amazingly enough that he gets a boot via the Boys and Girls Club rec room task. |
2006.04.10
2006.04.15 |
C+ | Jacob |
| 5-6 Recap |
Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma NowKing Of The Jingle - Yet another candidate falls prey to the idea that there are points for good behavior, while behaving horribly. A surfeit of all-natural chicken melodies about all-natural chicken, pissy tantrums, creepy Brit-centric threesomes, and an almost-complete lack of Andrea send Bryce home nuttier than he started. |
2006.04.03
2006.04.08 |
B- | Jacob |
| 5-5 Recap |
Lesson Five: Zip It! How Many Times Do You Need To Hear This?Cruise Control - Dan asks politely to be fired after a disastrous ad campaign for a cruise line causes Tarek to revert to his pre-Clockwork state. Roxanne leads everybody in Synergy to victory, and Andrea leads herself over the edge altogether. |
2006.03.27
2006.04.01 |
A- | Jacob |
| 5-4 Recap |
Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once AgainCereal Killers - Synergy PM Tammy and her Mean Girl BFF Andrea successfully destroy the lambent hope of Brent; Gold Rush Charmaine makes good; everybody eats boxes and boxes of an unpronounceable cereal. |
2006.03.20
2006.03.25 |
A+ | Jacob |
| 5-3 Recap |
Lesson Three: Holidays Are For The LazyGet It In Gear - Lenny goes nuts on every single person, Brent is almost eaten by a shark, Theresa loses her mind, Tarek loses his jerkiness, Andrea is a great manager but has emotional problems, and we still haven't gotten word one from the majority of the contestants, because this show is even more of a freakshow this year than ever before. |
2006.03.13
2006.03.18 |
A | Jacob |
| 5-2 Recap |
"You Are Chaos And Disorganization!"The Razor's Edge - Brent's continuing whirlwind of bullcrap bounces off Boyfriend Bill and sticks to both Pepi, who sucks as a PM unbelievably, and Stacy, who's admittedly kind of a jerk to Brent anyway. |
2006.03.06
2006.03.11 |
A- | Jacob |
| 5-1 Recap |
Lesson One: Competence Is Only Skin DeepSummer Of Sam's - The best team-picking exercise in the history of the show takes place this season, as a beauty pageant on a dusky Long Island airport runway. Lenny, Lee, and Summer all suffer Tarek's wrath, but it's Summer who throws herself in front of a bullet labeled "Tarek" at the last moment, and is sent home for the simple reason of her immense stupidity. |
2006.02.28
2006.03.03 |
A | Jacob |
| 4-13 Recap |
Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't MetaphorsSeason Finale - Randal and Rebecca go head-to-head, and one after the other, Trump first hands them the Apprenticeship and then snatches it away. Rebecca is offered a job the next day by Yahoo!, while Randal gets to spend the next year lame-ducking it up in an office that even Kelly wouldn't abide. Sole winner: Trump, but then, he has to be Trump. Every single day. |
2005.12.15
2005.12.20 |
A | Jacob |
| 4-12 Recap |
Lesson Twelve: The Customer Is Always "Right"The Final Showdown - Randal and Rebecca go head-to-head with their hand-picked teams, but a mysteriously disappearing Joe Piscopo and a suddenly appearing thunderstorm make sure that it's all of us who have the last laugh. |
2005.12.08
2005.12.13 |
A- | Jacob |
| 4-11 Recap |
Lesson Eleven: Be Bold, And Mighty Forces Will Come To Your AidTo Lead Or Not To Lead - "Goethe said that. It's not too late for you to become a person of substance." Boldness is the watchword as Felisha and Alla approach mutually assured destruction, while Randal and Rebecca finally complete that freaky mind-meld they've been working on. After a disastrous Microsoft promo video, we quickly go to an Excel final two, as the remaining members of the Bloven are sent packing. |
2005.11.31
2005.12.04 |
A- | Jacob |
| 4-10 Recap |
Lesson Ten: Keep It In The AughtsShaniagans - Excel and Capital Edge take it to the limit, horse-and-buggy style, celebrating the life and smell of Shania Twain. PM Randal overcomes PM Alla for like the hundredth time, thanks in largest part to a bad Adam idea, but also because Rebecca and Randal totally serve them up a nice hot cup of industrial espionage. |
2005.11.24
2005.11.24 |
B+ | Jacob |
| 4-9 Recap |
Lesson Nine: Your Life Is Not The Truman ShowOne Hit Blunder - It's international a-go-go as The Sovereign Nation of Clay is tread on for the last time by new team Excel. Alla, Adam, and Capital Edge PM Felisha are revealed as the blandest kids in Blandonia, and thereby win the task, adorably. Meanwhile, Randal and Rebecca take a short trip to Fake Nigeria, where they are busted for lots of little things by Trump. |
2005.11.17
2005.11.19 |
B+ | Jacob |
| 4-8 Recap |
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All ScrewedStore Wars - If you've heard of this "Star Wars" thing, you might understand this episode, but...I, for one, have never heard of it. In fact, the only people who have are Trump and Randal, but this doesn't save Excel from a crash-and-burn that leaves both Brian and Marshawn in the wreckage. Meanwhile, Clay proves me right about him one hundred more times. |
2005.11.10
2005.11.12 |
B- | Jacob |
| 4-7 Recap |
Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…Back To School - Team Excel -- PM Randal, Marshawn, Rebecca, and Brian -- teach a class on making yourself stand out. Capital Edge (PM Adam, Markus, Felisha, Clay, and Alla) make themselves stand out, all right -- as total fools -- teaching a class about Sex In The Workplace. Then Donald Trump freaks your brain out. |
2005.11.03
2005.11.08 |
A+ | Jacob |
| 4-6 Recap |
Lesson Six: Don't Swing When You're SellingTake Me Out To The Boardroom - The newly-aligned Excel and Capital Edge go head-to-head in a Dick's Sporting Goods Event that leaves Excel down four players: PM Josh, Jenthura, Mark, and James. Meanwhile, PM Alla and her new Capital Edge get crazy all East-Hamptons-style. |
2005.10.27
2005.11.01 |
A- | Jacob |
| 4-5 Recap |
Lesson Five: Swing When You're WinningLost In Space - Capital Edge gains the Randal Edge, and Brian offends Markus's delicate sensibilities, on a task promoting the quasi-sequel to Jumanji. PM Jennifer and Kristi get all kinds of mud-slinging mad in an explosive boardroom that ends with a whimper -- namely Carolyn's -- as Kristi is sent home as the fourth social scapegoat running. |
2005.10.20
2005.10.25 |
B- | Jacob |
| 4-4 Recap |
Lesson Four: Strap It BackIce Cream Of Genie - Whether it's your unearned sense of superiority or anything else you like to swing around, this week we learn to tone it down and let it speak for itself, and take our punches where they fall. In a promotional campaign for Dairy Queen, Felisha finally takes out Toral -- a devoted member of the militant anti-milkshake-ist sect -- while Clay cracks the whip enough to satisfy even Josh and Mark. |
2005.10.13
2005.10.18 |
B- | Jacob |
| 4-3 Recap |
Lesson Three: Whoring It Up For The CommunitySomething Old, Something New - Toral, Rebecca, and Clay show their true colors (Supercilious Superiority Salmon, Steely Blue, and Undermining Aubergine), while Mark shows his stupid hick teeth some more. Excel PM Randal leads his team to victory in the "Tech Expo" and Jen W.'s hideous layout gets her gone. |
2005.10.06
2005.10.11 |
B- | Jacob |
| 4-2 Recap |
Lesson Two: Leave It On The PlaygroundThere's No "I" In Team - After several mistakes with their Lamborghini ad campaign, including a semiotic misstep equating the car with the rise of fascism in mid-twentieth century Italy, Team Excel's PM Chris basically asks to be sent home by choosing to put the team's hatred of Markus ahead of properly-assigned blame. Trump obliges. |
2005.09.29
2005.10.04 |
B+ | Jacob |
| 4-1 Recap |
Lesson One: Don't Make People Hate YouLet's Get Physical - Trump tries and fails to teach Markus and Melissa that not being a total jerk-off is the first key to success, as they drive their respective teams, you and me, an entire gender, the Viceroys, and Trump himself to utter rage. The first task, selling extra-cost fitness classes at two different Bally's gyms, gives the men the early advantage, but Markus loses his exemption from next week's Boardroom. After a slightly post-feminist and hugely insane episode-long rant about God knows what, Melissa goes home without having learned a damn thing. |
2005.09.22
2005.09.27 |
A- | Jacob |
| 3-18 Extra |
Trumptastic!Trump: Unauthorized - In this rather wretched Donald Trump biopic, we learn that Ivana had an awesome accent, Marla was kind of dumb and trashy, and Trump's father was mean. "Earth-shattering" doesn't even begin to describe the shattering of the earth that ensues. |
2005.05.24
2005.06.06 |
N/A | Miss Alli |
| 3-17 Recap |
The court of public TrumpinionInto The Stretch (3) - In this weird, stilted, abbreviated finale, Trump sits atop a judge's bench in a courtroom of his own making, repeating many of the questions he already asked Kendra and Tana, and then hiring Kendra because Tana was such a jerk to her team. Aside from whatever's going on with Boyfriend Bill's teeth, there's not all that much news. |
2005.05.19
2005.05.24 |
C | Miss Alli |
| 3-16 Recap |
Games of the video and Olympic varietiesInto The Stretch (2) - Tana and Kendra continue to plug away at their final tasks. Tana pisses off just about everyone associated with her event, while Kendra charms just about everyone associated with hers. It should be more complicated than that, but...it's not. |
2005.05.12
2005.05.17 |
B+ | Miss Alli |
| 3-15 Recap |
Interview to a killThe Games People Play (1) - Craig, Kendra, and Tana give their interviews, and Craig is quickly dispatched. Kendra and Tana get their final tasks, and they are assigned to work with the lamest members of their teams. It's kind of funny, really. |
2005.05.05
2005.05.10 |
B+ | Miss Alli |
| 3-14 Recap |
Fifty years, and it's come to thisBedazzled By A Beefy T - The now-tiny teams design commemorative T-shirts and sell them, which is about as exciting as it sounds. Alex is a drip, Tana is a flake, and Trump sends the drip packing. Adios, Alex. You never were very impressive. |
2005.04.28
2005.05.03 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-13 Recap |
Office spaceI Can't Believe It's Not Clutter - The shrinking teams are assigned to produce clutter-control devices for Staples. Kendra, Craig, and Tana think you need a rotating desk organizer. Alex and Bren think you need another desk. Take a guess. Oh, and take Bren with you. |
2005.04.21
2005.04.26 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-12 Recap |
The angry young manA Lonely Drive - It's time to sell cars, and the men of Magna are feeling confident, despite being led by Chris. When Tana and Craig bail on Kendra, she finishes the brochure on her own and brings home the victory. And Chris is finally done. And also? There is crying. |
2005.04.14
2005.04.19 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-11 Recap |
And now for something completely...uhh...Seams Stress - The teams design clothes for American Eagle, and sort of for Nokia, and sort of for Sony, and logos are put on backwards and other calamities occur, but when Angie stammers her way through a presentation like a frightened squirrel, she gets the boot. |
2005.04.07
2005.04.11 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-10 Recap |
Get out of my faceThe Pie's The Limit - It's such a great expression, and they say it so often in this episode. Alex and Chris wind up having this giant dust-up during the pizza task, you know? And Chris sort of spazzes out, and then they overstate each other's reactions, and then Stephanie gets fired anyway. Which is great. |
2005.03.31
2005.04.05 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-9 Recap |
Box of tricksPandora's Box - A Home Depot task challenges the teams to come up with a "clinic" for a home-improvement project. Craig's idea is so dumb that his team totally wins, and when Erin doesn't so anything on the task and then goes all bitchy in the Boardroom, she leaves, which is cool, because it's time. |
2005.03.24
2005.03.29 |
A- | Miss Alli |
| 3-8 Extra |
Second Verse, Same As The FirstWhat You Didn't See... - Little bit longer and a little bit worse! Yeah, it's the clip show, people. You know it, you hate it, you totally don't look forward to it. But here it is anyway. |
2005.03.17
2005.03.22 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-8 Recap |
Chain wallets and small potatoesBling It On - John leads the negotiations for Net Worth when the teams have to deal for charity auction prizes. He is badly outmaneuvered by a twitchy Tana, and the recent spate of project-manager firings is briefly interrupted long enough for John to be sent home. |
2005.03.10
2005.03.15 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-7 Recap |
Puttering aroundProject Putt Putt - This week's task is all about miniature golf, and it delivers all of the pettiness that suggests. Audrey and John have a face-off to see who's the bigger jerk, and it's kind of a photo finish, but she's a more ineffectual jerk, so it's goodbye, Audrey. |
2005.03.03
2005.03.08 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-6 Recap |
Wall of confusionThe Writing On The Wall - Who knows Harlem? Oh, reality show contestants. And they're heading out to paint an ad on a big wall. But when she gets all community-oriented, Tara shoots herself in the foot and takes her leave. Goodbye, Tara. |
2005.02.24
2005.03.01 |
B | Miss Alli |
| 3-5 Recap |
Trailer for sale or rentAirstrea |